Is your son called “Alfie”? Is your daughter called “Molly”? Do you like to say their names very loudly in Waterstones at least 6 times in one sentence, e.g. “Alfie darling, you like this book don’t you Alfie, shall we buy it Alfie? You’d like that wouldn’t you Alfie? Molly come here darling, look at […]
Andover has to be THE most depressing town in the northern hemisphere. Twinned with basra it’s a literal melting pot of teenage mums/squaddies mattresses and blag pretend hard men. Half are wannabe squaddies who thinks the world owes them a living. They strut around the town centre with their pigeon chests puffed out and rab […]
Famed for it’s Horse racing, posh schools and culture festivals, it appears on the face of it, to be a great place to live with the town’s wealth attributed to these classy industries. For these reasons it attracts no end of pretentious tw@ts dressed for ‘escaping to the country’ who are utterly predictable from the […]
Oh Swansea, Swansea, where shall I start? I was born and grew up there, then as an adult I realised it was sh*t and moved far far away. Swansea was once a proud port town and centre of industry, but those days are over now and what’s left is a wasteland of call centres, charity […]
Read More… from Swansea – if you love violence and call centres, this is it!
Padiham, the town that inspired the film makers, when making the hills have eyes. It’s a passing place (as I like to call it), because believe me, it’s not worth fekin stopping for anything unless you want impregnating. As you come off the motorway, you drive down a big long hill. Turning right at the […]
I grew up in Bourne back in the days when it had a population of a mere six thousand benighted souls. It was a violent place especially for an outsider. On my first day at school, aged four, I came out of the classroom and watched the other boys run across the playground egged on […]
Beyonce once sang “WHO RUNS THE WORLD?”. Ladies shouted back……”GIRLS!”. Middle aged people in Droylsden screamed “Kids! ******* f*cking little teenage kids” Droylsden has a dark little secret that nobody outside of Droylsden knows. That secret is anyone over the age of 25 is petrified of kids. Schoolkids, gangs of kids, kids in hoods, kids […]
It would have been a lot better if Sergei Skripal lived in Torquay rather than Salisbury because at least the government spends money on things other than benefits and combating knife crime in the latter. But even then, I’m not sure the Novichok would have been enough to deter all the bargain loving ***** who […]
I’ve lived in this little sh*thole of despair all my life. Traditionally a haven for the standard Manchester scally; Adidas tracksuit, crappy old banger, let’s not dwell on it. Lately the dreaded hipsters have moved from their habitat in the Northern Quarter to the working-class areas of Manchester. The f*ckwits [“lovely journalists” – Ed] over […]
Living in Farnborough is like living in purgatory; it’s neither here nor there. ‘The bargain bin of Hampshire’, I’ve overheard. The drab town adequately situates itself between having just enough shops to not **** oneself from boredom and too little homeware stores to purchase items to make killing oneself an actual reality. You’d think a […]
I have lived in Llanelli all my life. At first sight, it seems like a nice town. When I was a child, it seemed all normal. But as I got older, I realised how behind the town is. With the exception of a few people in my family, everyone seems to be stuck in a […]
Read More… from Llanelli – will it ever move with the times? No.
If you are talking Northampton you are talking Abington Street to begin your visit, the once thriving and traditional main shopping thoroughfare having its teeth punched out, gaps filled with the perfunctory charity shops, pawn brokers, fast food restaurants and mobile phone repair shops (why is it only Afghans that work in those?) or simply […]
