Andover: gulag of Hampshire

Andover has to be THE most depressing town in the northern hemisphere. Twinned with basra it’s a literal melting pot of teenage mums/squaddies mattresses and blag pretend hard men. Half are wannabe squaddies who thinks the world owes them a living. They strut around the town centre with their pigeon chests puffed out and rab c nesbitt vests on talking in a blag ****-er-nee accent.

The women have a variety of kids like the Kellogg mini cereal boxes you get from the local lidl. Most of them are grandparents by the age of 27. The local nightclub is full of blag farts who would literally chat **** and get banged outside of Andover. The Jamie Vardy lookalikes who frequent this place are laugh a minute. White socks and tracksuit is the staple night out get up and no girl owns a coat instead borrowing their boyfriends/brothers Ellesse jumpers to wear over their ale and nicotine stained white dresses on the weekly night out.

Some of the local delights include the [A “local” supermarket outlet which we can’t name] which is literally built on a sewerage plant. The stale smell of **** infecting everything in the shop and surrounding areas. Even the petrol from the petrol station is infected the amount of complaints made public from the **** compo claiming ****** yokels, who live on the local king Arthur’s estate.

A house blew up there recently, obviously someone trying to improve the place. There are numerous 70s style cockroach ******** dull grey houses on the local cricketers estate. The jason Bourne legacy scene from Russia was filmed here for added realism. These houses are inhabited by mainly smackheads, ***********, ***** and vest wearing Neanderthals.

The kids run amok in the estate fuelled by a daily diet of frozen micro chips and cider. I heard Chernobyl will be inhabitable in the next 10000 years. Imagine Chernobyl didn’t get evacuated and voila you have Andover instead.

Avoid this place at all costs and if you have the misfortune of going here then make sure you frequent the decontamination unit at local military base Porton Down, if you value your life. Andover truly is a ******* dump.

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