Living in Cheltenham, Gloucestershire

Cheltenham: For people who like Waitrose and gushing about their salary

If you like eating quinoa, driving BMW's, giving your children goofy names or just generally behaving like a smug tw@t, move to Cheltenham.

Living in Churchdown, Gloucestershire

Churchdown – a final resting place

Churchdown is an outer-city housing estate nestling between incontinence and insanity that is home to a grey tsunami of geriatrics.

Living in Kingswood, Bristol

Kingswood, Bristol: Sounds like a great place to live, isn’t!

Buses are the only reason why Kingswood survives. People buy food when passing through, just to get to bath or a neighbouring county.

Living in Cinderford, Gloucestershire

I watched Deliverance the other day, it made me think of Cinderford

Cinderford: If you want to experience authentic rustic English charm at its very finest, go elsewhere.

Living in Lydney, Gloucestershire

Lydney: The “lovely” little brother of Coleford

I went to Lydney. It was a happy place. They had flowering meadows and rainbow skies, where the children danced and played with gumdrop smiles.