Gosport – godsport my a*rse

Where to start? Gosport has two faces, the rather pleasant areas of lee-on-solent and Alverstoke. Then you have the areas surrounding the two ch@v and single mother factories of Brune Park and Bridgemary. They produce generation after generation of scratters, the same people who proudly declare “I love gosport” whilst punching a minority, swigging some […]

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Southampton: how to visit Above Bar Street and still leave with your wallet

Living in Southampton, Hampshire, Above Bar Street

Sunny Southampton. A place where everyone is welcome and everyone feels at home. The place that attracts thousands of tourists pouring out of the cruise ships. Not! I will try to paint a picture of what Southampton has become just by taking you on a walk down the High Street. As you may or may […]

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Gosport, Hampshire …more like cesspit Hampsh*te

Living in Gosport, Hampshire

Ah good old Gosport, where the council sits on its backside raking in money from parking meters despite there not being anything in the town worth parking for! The council are [a fine upstanding example of local government, honestly, they’re definitely NOT] dodgy and for some reason in this god forsaken town, they keep voting […]

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Portsmouth: O.M.F.G.

Living in Portsmouth, Hampshire

I’m from a bad estate in a big city and I thought I’d seen it all. Then, one day, I went to Portsmouth. OMFG. Never before in all my years, walking through a city centre in daylight, had I felt intimidated. (Let’s just repeat that fact; it was Saturday afternoon. It was NOT midnight. It […]

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Waterlooville – this place is a sh*thole

Living in Waterlooville, Hampshire

Where to start? Well, this place is dreadful. Its populous hasn’t got 2 chromosomes to rub together. It is full of morons whose life ambition is to either be a crappy builder that throws poor-quality flats together or the builders wife who has at least 3 kids, all with ADHD, who give video-gamers a bad […]

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Romsey pretends to be a nice place

Living in Romsey, Hampshire

On looking at Romsey you would think it is a nice place, well that’s what it pretends to be. I have lived here for over 25 years and the people are rude and not very friendly. They have a small town mentality, The planning depart needs shooting [in my dreams, but in reality, just a […]

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Waterlooville – Ghost Town

Living in Waterlooville, Hampshire

Waterlooville used to be full of independent shops, everyone happy and a nice community. Now, because of the incredibly high rates down south, all the independents have been forced to **** off and we’re left with a Waitrose, a Sainsbury’s, a Tesco Express, a Lidl, an Asda, a Subway and a McDonalds, not to mention […]

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Andover: gulag of Hampshire

Living in Andover, Hampshire

Andover has to be THE most depressing town in the northern hemisphere. Twinned with basra it’s a literal melting pot of teenage mums/squaddies mattresses and blag pretend hard men. Half are wannabe squaddies who thinks the world owes them a living. They strut around the town centre with their pigeon chests puffed out and rab […]

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Farnborough: where dreams come to die

Living in Farnborough, Hampshire

Living in Farnborough is like living in purgatory; it’s neither here nor there. ‘The bargain bin of Hampshire’, I’ve overheard. The drab town adequately situates itself between having just enough shops to not **** oneself from boredom and too little homeware stores to purchase items to make killing oneself an actual reality. You’d think a […]

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Southampton: The ex soviet bloc government funded retirement resort

Living in Shirley, Southampton

Is life getting you down comrade? Does your babushka keep saying she wants to have more money and not work? Are your fingers falling off from all that Krokodil and nuclear waste in the water? Then you need a benefits holiday to….. SHIRLEY, SOUTHAMPTON!!!! Seriously though, it has now gotten to the point down Shirley […]

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Fareham: the shallowest genepool in Hampshire

Living in Fareham, Hampshire

I have lived in Fareham my whole life, but it wasn’t until I was about 16 that I realised why there were so many buck-toothed-cross-eyed-*****. Answer is that they are **********. To be fair it’s not their fault, see back in the 80’s people were having a lot of one night stands resulting in unplanned […]

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The Ontological Degradation of the Fareham Borough

Living in Fareham

When I was younger, I had fond memories of Fareham. I still nostalgically reminisce about going on leisurely walks with my family when I was around seven years old. Growing up, however, has taught me that I was either: oblivious to how disgusting this place is, or my generation has tainted Fareham with its complete […]

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