Avoid Crawley if you have a shred of decency
Crawley, this town is an utter, utter sh*t hole - far worse than I ever imagined.
Maidenhead: Not fit for a Royal wedding!
I woke one morning in Maidenhead, looked out the window and thought ‘oh my god, I have completely failed in life’.
Woking: good train links to London apart from that it’s a sh*thole
Avoid Woking, visit Guildford, Camberley or Farnham instead or else some pink haired chav might mug you.
The sting in the wonder tale of Forest Row in Sussex
There's a population in this Forest Row - small but vociferous (kind of terrier-like) opinionated, arrogant, smug - that needs to be avoided at all cost.
Haywards Heath – the patio of England
Haywards Heath is a characterless, noisy, nightmare. It is a swindle-hole full of rot, with not a scrap of Heath land in sight.