Living in Shaw, Oldham

Shaw, as annoying as an improperly wiped backside

In Shaw, a wretched little turd like me can fight, snort coke and behave like a complete animal without so much as causing a single eyelash to flutter!

Living in Withington, Manchester

Withington, Manchester – The area that we all just gave up on

Withington is a place that Manchester should just forget about, the people there too. If you ever decide to move here, oh god, good luck to you.

Living in Harpurhey, Manchester

Harpurhey – You don’t have to smoke spice to live here, but it helps

When told we were moving to Harpurhey, I was devastated. I tried to throw myself under the 52 bus. Fortunately it never turned up on time.

Living in Bolton, Greater Manchester

Bolton… beyond the term “dreadful”

I've never encountered so many fat, ugly, dishevelled people nor persons exhibiting signs of mental illness in such concentrations as Bolton.

Living in Bury, Greater Manchester

Bury: a difficult place to like

Bury has its own perfume - Eau de Weed