Having visited the time warp that is Battle, I have to sadly report that the main High Street seems to be devoid of any *****. A few sad skaters hang out by the skatepark near the fire station, but as for the rest of the town, it mainly comprises of Froggy Schoolkids on Day trips […]
Hot on the trainer-heels of Kingstanding is the delightful suburb of ERDINGTON, the u-bend in the toilet of North Birmingham. Allow me to take you on a journey through this green and putrid land. Park your stolen car anyway near Six-Ways-to-get-mugged Island. Try and park half on the kerb, to ensure maximum annoyance to anyone […]
Read More… from Erdington, the u-bend in the toilet of North Birmingham
Local mobs often keep quiet during the week in Larkhall although there is the occasional fight, the occasional singing, and the occasional alcohol and cannabis consumption. Larkhall is quite a little place about 30 – 45 minutes away from Glasgow, its big brother towns (the ***** would argue they are our little brother towns) are […]
Read More… from Larkhall mobs are often quiet during the week, the weekend is a different story
Now then. I have read all the reports on the **** culture breeding in and around the cess pools of Nuneaton, yet I feel certain things have been missed. Firstly, nestled deep in the heart of Stockingford (or ‘the ford’ as it is affectionately and originally known), is The Nuneaton Academy, formerly known as Alderman […]
I can’t believe that no one has mentioned this place yet – once an independent town, it has now been subsumed into the Liverpool metropolis – and its ***** are as (if not more) fearsome than those in real Liverpool. A few years ago I had the dubious pleasure of working in the Bootle dole […]
Read More… from Bootle, apart from The Strand, there is bugger all else
Twydall is located between the towns of Gillingham and Rainham and is a delightful place to visit, but not when you’re on your own. It has an extremely large population of ****’s who believe in the old adage of ‘strength in numbers’ and ‘a life without a bottle of white lightening and a *** is […]
Read More… from Twydall Estate, Gillingham: a delightful place to visit, but not on your own
Dundee on the North East coast of Scotland must qualify as one of the worst towns in the UK. It is said that the only geological fault in Dundee is that it is above sea level. Its middle class façade as you progress along PART of the Kingsway (The rest is derelict) lulls you into […]
Read More… from Dundee has one geological fault, it is above sea level
Dundee or ‘Dundeh’, as the locals would call it, is a city of contrasts. It used to be said of Dundeh that if Scotland needed an enema, Dundeh is where they’d stick the pipe, but things have changed. There are many attractions for those with a black sense of humour. Shell-suited gadgies patrol in groups […]
Read More… from Dundee: There are many attractions for those with a black sense of humour
Let me take you on a guided tour of Hastings, we’ll start from the train station: Hastings station has recently been rebuilt from a shabby, run down, horror of a building. Into a super ‘high tech’ glass structure. Not certain why the building needs to be so huge. Alighting from the train one can see […]
Sidley is a dingleberry ******* off Bexhill’s backside. Just hop on the horrible bus from Eastbourne or Hastings and you’ll find yourself in Heaven. The lively town centre boasts a Co-op, two hairdressers, a Danny’s Discount Store, two pubs, a garage, and an off-licence. Oh, and a SureStart centre where inhabitants can learn how to […]
Banbury. Surely the home of Chavdom. I lived in West London (Kew) for 20 years and moved here in 2001 – I don’t think I’ve quite got over the culture shock even now. It all starts to go wrong at the railway station where a bunch of ****** lovely Irish travelling folk have set up […]
Read More… from Banbury: I don’t think I’ve quite got over the culture shock
If the Earth ever requires an enema, Slough is undoubtedly where the tube will be inserted. Slough also happens to be THE **** Capital of the UK, maybe even the world. Coincidence? For those who have had the good fortune never to visit this hole, let me paint you a picture. As you approach the […]
Read More… from Slough, If the Earth needed an enema, this where they’d insert the tube
