Dundee has one geological fault, it is above sea level

Dundee on the North East coast of Scotland must qualify as one of the worst towns in the UK. It is said that the only geological fault in Dundee is that it is above sea level. Its middle class façade as you progress along PART of the Kingsway (The rest is derelict) lulls you into a false sense of security it is in stark contrast to the housing on either side a stones throw off the route where **** are in abundance and threats are the way of life, gold ‘sovvies’ are the currency and people who have more than one pushbike (stolen or otherwise) are classed as *****.

It is a different matter regarding the ownership of prams, the owning (sorry, possession) of less than 2 would be classed as distinctly unusual and it is very rare that a Dundee girl will reach the average school leaving age for the city (about 14 years of age) before her offspring has started primary school. Dundee has a horrendous illegitimacy rate of births. It has twice the Scottish average for babies born to mothers under 17. It is a generation-less city e.g.- a 30-year-old woman could be granddaughter, daughter, mother and grandmother rolled into one.

It is due to a series of council mismanagement in the past few decades that ‘Dundeh’ (as locals gutturally pronounce it) is the shambolic state it is now. Once a proud city, now known for its ‘Gadgies’- Dundee’s own ****- freeloading shell suit/burberry baseball cap donning Neanderthals whose status symbol is a pair of crutches to aid false claims while on ‘The Disability’.

1 in 3 Dundonians live in areas of deprivation (official figures). Not without reason are the buses between the ‘Hoosin Schemes’ referred to by outsiders as ‘S**t Shovels’. One glance at the cargo within tells you why.

The population is dive bombing and stands at a paltry 147000 compared to near 200000 30 yrs ago. (Census figures) The majority of decent law abiding citizens have shown the city a clean pair of heels whilst they still have some possessions. The rest will not be far behind.

Yet they have one of the highest council tax rates in Scotland in stark contrast to their surrounding counties. I heard it was because there are only 20 or so people left paying it these days but I reckon it must be at least 40. I rarely visit the place now unless to pass hurriedly through. The overpass walkway from the station to the town centre is a no-go unless you profess to enjoy playing hopscotch over drunkards who lie in your way. Better to risk crossing the dual carriageways and roundabout in all weathers, less chance of attempted urine-soaked handshakes and slurred insults at the lack of ‘ten boab’ in their hands.

Avoid the place like the plague. And would the last one out please put the lights off?..if they haven’t been nicked..

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