What can I say about Shaw that has not already been so accurately written by my fellow wordsmiths? Well, here goes! I have lived is Shaw my entire life.

I have worked on building sites, fenced stolen and counterfeit goods, dealt cocaine and had numerous affairs with the females of this town. I left my girlfriend of over 12 years for a local pig with three future single mothers in the making and an ex council house with a rodent problem.

I lie, steal, take drugs, get into needless fights, stab my friends in the back and I think I maybe a borderline psychopath . All of this in the real world would see me shunned by all and sundry, but not in good old Shaw! Here I fit right in with the vile pond life who call this inbred s**t pit home.

Here, a wretched little turd like me can fight, f**k other men’s wives and girlfriends, snort coke and behave like a complete animal without so much as causing a single eyelash to flutter!

So if like me, you are an utter tw@t, come to Shaw the arsehole of Oldham!