Middleton: The Gammon-filled Place Where Dreams Come to Die

Living in Middleton, Greater Manchester

Ah, Middleton. The mixed aroma of weed, exhaust fumes and run-off fumes from the chemical factory, mixed with burning tyres, fills the air. Rosy-cheeked youths amuse themselves by stealing your motorbikes/mopeds and then burning them out in nearby parks, or using them to rob people. And look, over there – why it’s Sarah/Tiffany/Kylie and her […]

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Peterborough – you shouldn’t be that close to your cousin

Living in Peterborough, Cambridgeshire

It is truly difficult to convey how mentally challenged the average Peterborian is. There are small pockets of intelligence and culture dotted around the city but these are rightly mocked, attacked and pushed to the margins. The city voted heavily for Brexit and the vast majority of inhabitants believe any woe in their life can […]

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Bourne, the place where social progress goes to die.

Living in Bourne, Lincolnshire

It’s somewhat ironic that Bourne boasts two well-respected secondary schools, given that they provide the town’s younger generations with the best possible route out of this flat-as-a-pancake hellscape. Only those too thick to figure out an escape plan remain past college age, where they slowly ferment into the kind of dim-witted, loud-mouthed, racist, homophobic rednecks […]

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