It has been said that the distant thud of a solitary Royton woman approaching could loosen one’s fillings from over five miles away. Raised on a diet of piping-hot Greggs steak bakes and deep-fried crunchy coated poultry, your typical Royton lass is a sight to be held. Morbidly obese, tattoo-covered, and with teeth like a […]
Ah, Middleton. The mixed aroma of weed, exhaust fumes and run-off fumes from the chemical factory, mixed with burning tyres, fills the air. Rosy-cheeked youths amuse themselves by stealing your motorbikes/mopeds and then burning them out in nearby parks, or using them to rob people. And look, over there – why it’s Sarah/Tiffany/Kylie and her […]
Read More… from Middleton: The Gammon-filled Place Where Dreams Come to Die
I remember Uppermill as a kid when it was picturesque, friendly and village like. Part of the Saddleworth villages, it truly has gone down the sh*tter. There has always been a few good pubs there and the ner-do-wells from Oldham would come up on a Saturday, eat their ice cream in the park and then […]
I am not going to say that this manky Northern tip is full of ***** as it isn’t. It is full of ******* aspiring to become *****, it is that far down the social spectrum. Where to start is the main problem. Oldham was the richest town in the world at the height of the […]
Once upon a time,in the forgotten land of Tameside there was a strange little town called Ashton under lyne. In this town there was once a thriving outdoor market, good shops and nightlife. Thanks to the powers that be and a few numpties, all that magic has gone forever. Now it’s Mos Eisley and the […]
Read More… from Ashton under lyne, into the mouth of madness and straight out of the other end
Green green Saddleworth. Where you can escape the harsh reality from what is commonly known as Hiroshima little boy (Oldham). Saddleworthians are easily spotted in a crowd amongst their fellower Oldhamer’s. They’re the ones who have fake accents, no wit and a false sense of superiority. Yes if you like a bit of bullshit and […]
Read More… from Saddleworth is not Yorkshire and you’re not Alan Sugar
Just wanted to post about a town I lived in 2 years ago, Swinton. I moved here from Macclesfield as I already hated Macc and wanted to move closer to friend. Big mistake! The first day I was walking through the precinct I was attacked by an old man (Looked homeless) and said he’d leave […]
Read More… from Swinton is a sewer, moved here from Macclesfield, big mistake!
Sholver, one windswept winter’s night I found myself alone, cold and afraid on the streets of this **** smeared overspill. As the wind howled and the icy rain cut into me like one of the many discarded hypodermic needles scattered here and there, I heard a distant voice calling to me. At first I mistook […]
I spent a great deal of my formative years walking feverishly around the narrow field-bordered streets of Shaw, and found it difficult to describe to friends who would visit just why the place was so awful. To the untrained eye the hamlet seems quaint and even welcoming – this is a false perception. When I […]
Bolton itself is a dump. The best businesses are leaving or have left. Pound shops and cheap takeaways are everywhere. Some of the takeaways have reached the lofty heights of ONE star for hygiene. The usual benefits ********** are to be found pushing expensive prams while speaking their own language, which could be one of […]
Stretford is a place that is a Mecca for ***** and scallies. They’re dressed in the typical scally uniform of trainers, trackies and a snap back hat. they’re pockets are filled with the latest skunk weed that smells like cow piss and cat piss mixed in with giraffe piss. They’re usually walking around with this […]
I think Oldham was best summed up by a friend of mine who upon a visit to this fair town one day remarked that the people of Oldham look as though the government has been performing nuclear testing in the area. I think that speaks volumes. If you like Ch@vs, then Oldham is the place […]
