Sutton-in-Ashfield: avoid eye contact and you’ll be just fine

Living in Sutton-in-Ashfield
Living in Sutton-in-Ashfield

I’m not saying that Sutton in Ashfield is a bad place to live. It could be much worse, like Kirkby in Ashfield. Basically if the name of the town you are in is followed by “in Ashfield” you have stumbled into the district that time forgot and where good taste never existed.

The locals aren’t a bad bunch as long as you avoid eye contact and any form of communication you’ll be just fine. If you do attempt to communicate you will need to be fluent in most Eastern European languages as the majority of people are from Poland and the Ukraine and are probably desperately looking forward to going home as soon as possible.

The English born locals tend to speak worse English than the immigrants and use words such as “innit” and “brap” a lot. During a recent visit to Sutton Lawn I was stopped by a group of youths on push bikes who i think wanted to relieve me of my personal belongings or maybe they just wanted to know the time? It was impossible to tell as I’m not fluent in gangster lingo or Chavish as I prefer to call it.

How grim is your Postcode?

As I said earlier it isn’t all bad theres a Take Out, hair dressers and Polish off Licence every few yards, broken only by the odd charity shop between them. If you’re a hairy headed overweight lazy alcoholic who spends so much on food n booze you can only afford to buy your clothes from the Cancer Research shop then you’ll be in your element right here and amongst many friends as that pretty much describes the majority of the local population.

Mobility scooters and micro scooters seem to be the transport of choice depending on which side of 30 you are you’ll be on one or the other at least until they’re stolen and sold to one of the many local 2nd hand/exchange shops for enough cash to buy a ten bag and a pack of rizlas.

If you enjoy greasy food and have greasy hair and don’t mind risking your mobility scooter going missing then I can highly recommend a visit to sunny Sutton!

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