Although situated only a little to the west of that Mecca of high culture and productivity known as Gosport, the small town of Lee-On-Solent cannot yet be classed as a chav haven in any sense of the word. However, what makes Lee interesting for the budding student of chavism is the manner in which slowly, bit by bit, the town is being invaded by the Great Drinkers of White Lightening.
Lee-On-Solent had its glory days in the first three or four decades of the twentieth century, and although the town has increased about tenfold since then, the spirit of the place died around the time that Chamberlain still thought he could be best buddies with Hitler. Since about 2000, however, the creeping presence of chavdom has been slowly dragging its way into the community, like some terrible creature crawling out of the sea.
Now recently there has been a huge new estate built, somewhat over 1000 homes, and there was a fair bit of worry that this would cause a rise in social problems. However, this does not seem to have been the case, owing to the fact that most of the new houses cost more than the gross national income of the average African nation; furthermore, the people who live in the new houses are only ever seen when driving to the golf course in their yuppie landrovers. No, the chavs are coming for sure, but they are coming from within the old community. Now it is possible to see, for example, kids climbing onto the roof of the public toilets so that they can laugh at people inside, because “It’s fun to watch em takin a leak, an it makes em look like twats.” If you are lucky enough to live on the seafront then you can spend every night until about four AM listening to seventeen year olds driving clapped out pieces of crap that pass for motor vehicles around the carparks, and at weekends you can experience the joy of having your fence kicked down during the day by kids, and then finished off at night by drunks.
The other day, in the High Street, I saw a sixteen year old mother shouting at her ugly two year old kid and telling him that he was a “right little twat”. Then she called him by his name… it was Wayne, and I knew that we were in trouble.
The part of Lee-On-Solent that I live in is still mercifully chav free, and yet almost every month I hear that chav raids are coming closer and closer to home. They have already taken over the park and their incursions are reaching roads as near as five minutes from where I live. This is the horror of it, the knowledge that the tide of chavdom cannot be held back. Right now, Lee-On-Solent is heaven on Earth compared to parts of Gosport (The other morning I saw a guy walking down Gosport Highstreet, probably in his late twenties, one of these people who is literally stinking with stupidity – as he walked he gave this kind of animal hooting noise a few times, and then looked really pleased with himself as though he had just proved his dominance over the other shoppers or something.) However, in one or two or five years time, I shudder to think what Lee will be like, for I am sure that we shall soon be overrun.
They are coming! Repent, all ye with brains, for the hour of judgement is nearly upon us!!!