Why has nobody mentioned Swanley? In relative terms, Swanley, is the Manchester United of **** towns. A little while ago, Asda requested that Swanley be re-named Asdaville, since most of its residents are employed there. You can see why.
The local comp was one of the lowest ranked schools in the whole country, and for someone to emerge from that place with more than one GCSE, is in fact rarer than a sighting of Hayleys Comet.
Visit Hart **** road for a viewing of chavdom in its prime. Known by the locals as ‘ike Dike raaard’, this delightful council area is littered with the crem de la crem of ****. Number 36 has a pony living in it’s front room and the average age for the Swanleyite to give birth is 14. The shops are mostly out of business, but a few places that thrive (apart from asda) are the kebab shop and Peacocks.
Oh and the post office. Come Tuesday this delightful town is buzzing with ambience and anticipation, where the ***** come to collect there weekly Giro. Shortly after, you may find them drunk in the pub next door spending their children’s dinner money.
In the early nineties, Swanley was considered as a place where the Eurostar terminal was to be built, but later lost out to Ashford. The authorities decided first impressions of England being two fat ****** glassing each other outside the Lulli, was a bit too much for anyone to handle……. even the French!
Tunbridge Wells: seems posh but has a seedy underbelly
Herne Bay, a coastal leisure town for pregnant teenagers, junkies & nerks
Dartford: once a thriving market town, now in decline
Gillingham: a quaint little sh*tehouse situated on the river Medway
Sittingbourne, ***** and ******* living in (dis)harmony
Hoo, if you smoke weed then there’s one dealer for every 3 people
Maidstone – The town that progress forgot
Swanley is the Manchester United of **** towns