Sheerness, Kent, Property Guide and Review
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Kent, South East, United Kingdom

I feel it is my duty to inform you all about this town that I can only describe as the festering cat turd in the Garden of England. Sheerness is an industrial eyesore and the majestic ‘crapital’ of the Isle of Sheppey, on the North Kent coast. If you have never heard of Sheerness, that’s because it’s the kind of isolated hellhole, you have to go far, far out of your way to wash up in. It is not somewhere you just leisurely pass through on your way to more salubrious parts of North Kent like Chatham or Gravesend. It was my misfortune to be a frequent visitor to this insular chav paradise and for 6 miserable months, a full time Sheerness resident.

So lets take a tour of Sheerness-on-sea.

To guide you I have taken a satellite map of Sheerness and shaded the different areas.

The first thing you’ll notice as you approach Sheerness by car on the A249 is the smell. I can only describe it as mixture of burning car electrics and sulphur. This allegedly comes from the Steel Mill and of course, is in no way toxic, in fact, it’s just like breathing in fresh alpine air. You will soon come to point 1 on the map.

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Here you can park and savour the sight of the Steel Mill in all its non-third world glory. It really is breathtakingly beautiful just like Port Talbot. As you travel onwards, you will drive past Blue Town before you know it. Due to the prevailing wind, Blue Town usually gets a good dose of the lovely meadow fresh alpine air from the Steel Mill. Consequently, no one wants to live there apart from Junkies and various others who’d allegedly trade cancer or a serious respiratory illness for a low rent. The second thing the more eagle eyed will spot is the amount of roadside CCTV and ANPR cameras on the A249 both on and off the island. I presume this is to spot escapees from the 2 prisons or Rushenden.

In no time at all you’ll be in the heart of this bustling metropolis. Well, the bottom of the High Street, Tescos and that shining beacon of non-chavdom McDonalds, as you reach point 2 on the map.

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Here is one of the finest chav spotting areas in the country. Yes, the whole country. To the right of McDonalds is the Sand Pit. In the summer months, the local chav community like to avail themselves of something from McDonalds £1 menu and chav it up in and around the Sand Pit like flies around shite. Don’t ask me what the mythical attraction is of this kids play area (apart from somewhere to walk your pitbull cross) and for the love of god, don’t go spotting at night when Tantra nightclub is in full swing. You will need counseling for years to get over the Post Traumatic Stress.

If you have the stomach to proceed into the heart of the beast Sheerness, you can now head for point 3 on the map.

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This is a designated parking area for visitors, as I’m sure you’ll want to explore to truly unremarkable High Street. If you roll up on a Tuesday, you can just forget it and find another car park, as for on Tuesdays this area becomes the chav holy shrine, where all come to worship just after they’ve dropped their clutch of illegitimate children off at school and cracked open their first can of reassuringly costly French Lager. Yes, behold Sheerness market. So good, a free bus service picks up vermin from outlying holding pens such as Rushenden and Queenborough to pray at the Alter of out-of-date crisps, broken biscuits and snide designer wear. Hallelujah!
Point 3 is what some people consider the Sheerness Golden Triangle, the Market, the Police Station and the Job Centre, an area where Sheerness chavs spend 90% of their time, when out of the house. It has to be said that Sheerness is one of the most densely chav populated places in the Home Counties. A town only rivaled in the infestation league by the mighty Chav Mecca that is Chatham. However, Sheerness seems to counteract this chav density by having the highest population of freaks I have seen anywhere. Now what do I mean by freaks? We are talking the retarded, fugly, walking posters for why cousins should not breed. Forget the backwards island keep-it-in-the-family urban myth, this is because an alpha Chav can impregnate so many 14 year old schoolgirls, that half of the next generation don’t know they are genetically related.
If you are thinking of moving to this god-forsaken town for whatever reasons, commuting, low house prices, insanity, etc, please, please, don’t do it, even the pits of Thanet are more attractive, believe me. However if you want to regress to a more simian like primitive creature, be my guest!

Greeting to Rule and Rule, Mann & Co, Ward & Partners, Sheppey Estates, Broadway Estates and any other agents on the Island of Dreams!

Point 1 –
Point 2 –
Point 3 –

  • Nilton Hargrave

    I have lived here 5 years and love it this bloke is the turd not sheppy

  • morninson

    This strikes me as just a bit mean.
    I left Sheppey 15 years ago, and am well aware of it’s many shortcomings. I think that others have said much the same as you have, but better and with a little less teenage bile. did it much better…
    It has potential, but no-one with enough financial backing seems interested in seeing what can be done to improve the place (including the local council). It’s quite sad when you look at the old sepia tinted pictures of the place in it’s heyday, when it had a tourist trade.

  • IOS Fan

    I’m a fairly new arrival to the Isle of Sheppey about six years and what I’ve found that is that your average Swampy is good people and the only idiots I’ve had problems with are non-Swampies who have come to the Island from afar where they have had to leave for various reasons. They come here to try and be a face, don’t get their own way, so it’s s”~t. Well tough if you don’t like it go somewhere else and try to be a face there.
    I’m London born and bred and have also lived all over the world so believe me when I say there’s plenty worse places out there and not so far away.
    Yes your average Swampy can be rough and ready, but then are they, just because they’ve got no airs and graces doesn’t make them bad people, I’m the same take me as I am or jog on. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover as I said good people who are up for a laugh and just get on with it and believe me there are some switched on people on this Island.
    While I’m at it if the powers that be put some money and effort onto the Island we could have a brilliant resort.

  • graham

    I moved here 4 years ago i agree it has its problems but compared to other parts of the country this is heaven try living among gang fights shootings and scum people i also agree with other people if you dont like the island and sheerness then move simple

  • R. Smith

    Sheppey is a F***ing S***hole populated mainly by knuckle scraping morons who’s idea of a good time is to shoot up

  • BWF

    Love the comments here; Unfortunately . . . I have the misfortune of being a Swampy. Born and raised in Sheerness, and thoroughly agree with this article. I moved off as soon as possible. It seems you go one of two ways after growing up on Sheppey; you get the hell off and make something of yourself or you stay, reproduce and spend your life with a clutch of children by varying men, living in council accommodation claiming benefits.

    I have never known such a high concentration of small minded, ill mannered people in my life. Sheerness is the ONLY place in the UK (and I have been around) that I have been attacked; Sheerness is the only place I had abuse hurled at me from chavs on a regular basis; The place is hell and thank god it is so cut off from the world!

    Perhaps for a retiree, it is heaven… for us young’uns with aspiration, it is an absolute dive. My last visit was in 2012, for a funeral and I can safely say it was a rather poignant day, as it also marked the last reason I ever had to visit the bloody place!

    If tat shops, piss soaked alleys, chavs and stinking attitude are what you want then Sheppey is the place for you; if you are sane you would stay well away.

    One time Sheppey resident of an abysmal 20 years.

    • intelligentiamafia

      hello BWF,
      have you any advice as to where an ideal non chav place to move to would be?i know how you feel, i have now had to stop going out as the amount of abuse i get is ridiculous and it isn’t just the adults it’s their mentally inbred offspring of 5-12 years of age as well, i have travelled the world, lived in other countries and lived in other parts of the country and this is the most over populated chav infested s**t hole apart from every where else in kent, the underlying problem now is that because chavs breed more than the intelligentsia they are over populating everywhere if anyone has not seen idiocracy, they should watch it it perfectly sums up this moronic intelllectually challenged twatopia. any ideas of where i can escape to, where human beings behave in a cicvilised manner and can have an intelligent conversion without any part of it including the bragging of how much their bail is set at or which father of their several offspring has inpregnated some other chavette/s. also as a true fact the social workers here are predicting that in 10-20 it will go back to being inbred here because so many chavvers keep breeding with diffierent people and they will eventually lose track of who is related to whom and eventually you will have half brothers and sisters breeding with each other

    • Matthew Brown

      I find it hard to believe that Sheerness is the ONLY place you have been attacked. It did admittedly suffer with an atmosphere of “Chaviness” but strangely it seems to have improved significantly in the last 5 years.

  • Kelly Eldridge

    Negative minded people that only see the bad in everything shouldn’t be able to create posts on sites like this. If you don’t like were you live MOVE! I could not be bothered to read it all as he is obviously having a bad day and is blaming it on where he lives instead of looking in the mirror. Yes the island does have some negatives but no more than anywhere else. The only time I had a problem here was at Leysdown one summer and that was Londoners that come here and behaving how they do at home.

    The island can be a nice place to live.

  • pat duffy

    if you find the isle of sheppey offencive then do not come here , i have lived in the so called holding pen namely rushenden for 20yrs and i can at least go out at night not like some places in england , and yes i have worked all my life and i have had very good jobs , please visit other places in england and copare them to here WE ARE NOT THE WORST PLACE TO LIVE

    • sharon jones

      I am looking to move to the Isle of sheppey the right up about it dose not put me off as I know good people and good friends that live there hence why I want to move there

  • michelle

    me and my family moved to this gorgeous little island 9 months ago from new cross and catford SE london. I love it here!! the stunning wildlife, the beautiful beaches and the friendliest neighbours I’ve ever had!! no longer are we woke up at 3am by police helecopters, screaming sirens, raids and gunshots!! but we are welcomed every morning to the sound of song birds and clear skies x i feel 100 times healthier and I would never move back to london, infact I didnt realise life could be so relaxing till I came here. so to all of you who dont like the island, I know a pukka council estate in Catford you might find more exciting 🙂 xx thanks for the lovely welcome people of Sheppey xx

  • Lee

    I agree the place is full of nutters and full chavs more than Chatham, people who live there are are rude and fu***ed up in the head, stay away from the area

  • Greg

    I have lived here almost 3 years and can not wait to get out, the people are ugly and inbred, the women are Bovine and the men are all thick as s**t and fat and bald. The ones that move from London are even thicker and are part of moving poor white trash out. To think it is only 50 miles out of London!! it’s a backward s******e

  • Jo

    I grew up on the island but have moved on since, and can quite agree with the author that many areas here are chav populated and run down. However, there are a mixture of good, decent and hard working people and chavs like any other area, and it is a pretty safe place to live and raise a family.
    One of the things that makes me laugh about this place is that its residents will all say its the worst place to live and what a sh*t hole it is, but many of them have or still do have the opportunity to move but dont! If you are that miserable living there then go… your life is your own so whats stopping you?
    If you are looking to buy a house there because its cheap, face the facts. Its probably cheap because its in a deprived area.

  • Colin

    Unfortunately I had a trip to the Island just a few weeks ago and noticed the new drive through ‘Koofc’ as the locals refer to it.

    It looks like fried chicken democracy has prevailed. Twice as many people in 2009 joined an online FB group called ‘Bring KFC to Sheerness’ than voted in the council elections. I think that says a lot.

    They say every cloud has a silver lining. Now 99% of the residents of the island, never have to leave the place for the mainland… ever.

  • Colin

    Gan Dan Pan Tan!

  • Colin

    It’s good to see the only article I have ever written for my own website is still upsetting the good citizens of the Isle of Dirt!

    My only regret is that this article has now slipped off the first page when someone searches for ‘Isle of Sheppey’ on google. I must rectify that. 🙂

  • Gordon Henderson

    Its a fact that when you step off the train from London during your daily commute the sheer quality of the people on platform two compared to platform three which is populated by people traveling to and from `the island` is evident. It is almost as if they was all put on that island for a reason.

    Sheerness, like it or not residents, has a majority population of people whom lack personal hygiene, do not want to work for a living, seem to think swearing out loud is very clever, drink any time of day and generally are the dregs of society.

  • victoria

    It’s so disappointing that this review has been written, as it has potentially damaged the tourism of the island. On a positive note, it may help to keep away the kind of close minded people who would judge a place on this kind of review. I moved to Minster having spent my life living in various areas of Medway and Maidstone, as I KNOW that it is a safe place to bring up my children. There is a very good reason you don’t see police patrol cars every 2 mins, they’re too busy dealing with the crime in Medway and Maidstone. The summer season does bring tourists and drinking, but dont judge the residents on the actions of holiday makers.the beaches are lovely, with surfing lessons being offered at Minster , there are various fayres all over the island, and large areas of green land for those open minded people who can appreciate the beauty of nature. If the outdoor way of life is your cup of tea, your bound to like it here.

    • Colin

      “There is a very good reason you don’t see police patrol cars every 2 mins”, well after 6pm that maybe because the police station is closed and patrols have to come from Sittingbourne.

      Are you an Estate Agent?