RockBok Heaven daan the QC wiv yaz and trish
Peterborough is a monstrous city. Proudly listed in the Idler Guide to Crap Towns, it is famous for having a cathedral and being next to a big road.
The Cathedral brings tourism and culture, whereas the road brings an incessant supply of scummy f**kers. Legend has it that Peterborough is the birthplace of the Rockport and Reebok combination, now used across the land by all scallies. Affectionately known as RockBoks by the local laydeez from the Welland Estate, this clothing partnership is of course coupled with as much legit burberry as one can wear, and more gold than… a gold bar.
The Queensgate Centre is the hub of all chavic activity, providing a safe place to harrass innocents, smoke sterlings and eat McDonalds. The QC has the finest selection of stores in the local area, with favourites being Argos, House of Leather and Foot Locker.
Amusingly, Peterborough’s Cathedral is a renowned haunt for herion dealers and prostitues! Reliable sources have said that heroin is cheaper in Peterborough than most places in the UK, making it like a national distribution centre for skag.
The nigthlife is predictable. “The Strip” provides Pboro with a plethora of big name pub/club chains such as Wetherspoons, Edwards, O’neills and Yates’s. All employ strict townie dress codes ensuring that anything normal gets nowhere near the door.
“Sorry mate, only dragon print shirts tight fitting jeans and Base shoes on Fridays”
I could probably go on about this forever, but I’ll bore you the shittty details. Thank god I live 9 miles out of all of this puke.