I have had to add a SECOND town in our growing list of satan forsaken dross holes of the UK. Let me tell you about Hexham (hmm…sounded like a Stranglers song).
Hexham is nestled comfortably on the A69 between my home town of Newcastle and Carlisle (both towns written about in iLiveHere).
Hadrian’s Wall runs along the length of the A69…but perhaps should have been re-routed by the Romans to exclude Hexham from the rest of the civilised world. ***** are everywhere (but strangely..only at night). Daytime sees them either asleep on their second hand, threadbare sofa’s, or if it is signing on day, they will be at the Benefit Office.
But after dark?…Well…Now is the time of the ****. It starts slowly..just one loud blast of Rap muzak from the Puegeot 306 (white) as it meanders through the high st @ 62mph
The sudden flash of a nike trainer, the waft of cheap perfume and the shrill cry of “ERE TRACE!….GIZZA ******’ TAB WILL YER?” The clank of heavy jewellery, the stench of unwashed peasantry is all around…Your head starts to spin!….You have a strange urge to eat a burger and shag your sister!…oh god, you gotta get out of Hexham quick!…Before you become one…an empty, hollow shell…devoid of intelligence..no desire to make anything of your pitiful existence!…run…Run….RUN!…AND NEVER RETURN….(you have been warned)
Morpeth: Is it really as posh as the posters make it look? No!
Blyth, still the **** capital of Northumberland…..but now with a KFC
Amble: the population of 6,022 is now almost entirely related
Ashington is now a necrotic ulcer on the nether regions of the North East
Newbiggin-By-The-Sea full of mullet, snapback, tracky bottom wearing idiots
Wooler: in the morning it’s a lovely rural town, by midday it changes
Seahouses: they hide the ****** so you see what they want you to see
Ashington is by far the ********* town in Northumberland