Dartmouth, Devon, picture postcard or chavsville?

Most incomers as the locals call you arrive into Dartmouth via one of the River ferries, where you will be met with the best kept town centre awash with art galleries and quaint unique shops. All this with Sir Aston Webbs Naval College sitting grandly overlooking the beautifully set postcard image. Dare you creep up the “Hill” into Townstal, then the rot starts.

The locals despise anyone who earns a decent honest living, the largest employer is the benefits agency who see to all your every needs ensuring your incapacity benefit for your bipolar syndrome keeps you and your ADHD brood of different parentage in spa pasties and panda pop. They shun Sainsbury’s as they don’t sell gas and electric tokens and favour the spar shop which is burgled by the same person every month.

The gene pool is rather limited with three generations of ********** commonplace with 5 surnames accounting for 90% of the local populace. The rare decent folks house are interspersed with social services cases generally shipped in from Plymouth or Totnes. Drugs are common place along with untaxed cars carrying 6 kids on the back seats, the kids walk to school smoking roll ups mentally preparing themselves for another day learning to write their names in the dirt with a stick in preparation for claiming benefits for bipolar whilst sending their own illiterate children to school so they can get blind drunk on white lightning whilst dreaming up more efficient ways of claiming more benefits.

You will never fit in with these people unless you can decorate your garden with ornamental nappies to the annoyance of your decent hard working neighbours. A few locals will be aghast at your ability to converse intelligently with fellow humans, despising you for being happy and content. 90% of these people will live and die within a quarter of a mile of where they were born without venturing into the bright metropolis of Torbay or Plymouth.

It’s almost like deliverance in the modern world.

Enjoy Dartmouth but don’t venture up the hill! Don’t settle here unless you can afford a gin palace on the river! They don’t your fancy book learning ways ruining their lives!!

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