The Derbyshire village called Breaston, is still stuck in caveman times. If you’re pro hunting, fox hunting etc, then this might be the place for you. Folk who live here are Neanderthals, can spot them by the way they speak words like “UGG”, scrapping their clubs along the ground or their fists.
Highlight of the place, is The Navigation Inn where all the Neanderthals [allegedly] meet to celebrate fox hunting and also the garden centre opposite who also [definitely do not] love celebrating fox hunting. Child Neanderthals can be easily recognised by the potato sacks they wear. They can be seen mugging their own sister or brothers, grandmas etc. Avoid at all cost and do not feed scraps to them.
So if you are an outsider, would you fit in:
- Are you a Neanderthal?
- Do you not have a full set of teeth?
- Do you smell a bit strange?
- Is your sister your mother, your brother your dad, your uncle also your brother, your grandma your sister?
- Do you love fox hunting
If you can answer yes to all these question, then you will fit in. The best part of Breaston is the A52, that runs between Derby and Nottingham… just go strait down it and don’t turn off.
Racist, Sexist, Homophobic, Ilkeston
Belper, known as “Brown Town” for its off-the-scale drug problem
Matlock: arcades, cafes, chippys, and bikers coming out of our ears
Ripley, a collection of nail bars and kebab shops
Derby seems to be a ticking time bomb
Wirksworth where breeding outside of your own family is frowned up
Breaston: stuck in the year 1500, village of *******
Spondon – Racist and Horrid
Bakewell: the traffic Tokyo of England