Boston… It’s Just Sh*t.

Boston, Lincolnshire, Property guide and review
Boston, Lincolnshire, Property guide and review

Boston Docks was one of Europe’s premier ports in the 17th Century; a hub of commerce and industry that drove the economic development of England’s glorious East Coast. Now it’s where the gap toothed *********** hang out… That’s a depressingly good analogy for Boston in 2015.

So, I don’t live in our little town any more. I only visit a couple of times a year which, unlike most Boston based urchins, means that I have a bit of perspective about what changes from year to year. It just gets sh*tter. And more depressing. And more ******.

From the new ‘retail park’ that boasts not only Gala Bingo but TK Maxx, Sports Direct and a Netto to the Aldi / McDonalds Drive-Thru ‘retail park’ on the other side of the river, the Chavification of a once nice town continues apace. F**knutted, knuckle scraping losers strut around the decaying town centre, flexing their stringy muscles and flashing their dole cash whilst pram-faced teenage girls follow them like gaggles of honking geese. They’re all ******… every last one of them.

How grim is your Postcode?

Y’see, I’m a Boston person born and bred and I’m not sorry for coming from here but every time I visit, I’m just blown away by the sheer apathy of the provincial retards. No ambition. No plans. No dreams. Just endless attempts to look increasingly cool at any one of the town’s ‘hot’ night spots.

And in recent years there’s been a rise in what I term, ‘Rock C**ts’. No Burberry for these tear-stained fools alas; oh no, the uniform is black… the place is The Axe and Cleaver and the attitude is… uninspired. What these little ***** fail to realise is that a) emo is very much over and b) that being a johnny ******* no-stars no-talent *** clown with a huge ******* hole in your earlobe and an asymmetric haircut who bleats about ‘being trapped’, is only effective up until the age of 15. After that, you’re just a sad, pathetic, no effort loser who sits in a dingy pub drinking piss water whilst the whole ******* world spins round and round and round completely oblivious to your unique form of ‘individualism’.

After all, what could possibly be more individual that having a ‘really unusual’ tattoo on your lower back or some ‘really unusual’ ear piercings that you got done at the same ******* stupid place as every other stupid, uninspired friend of yours. Yeah, that marks you out as unique and special… it really does.

It’s not that Boston is a bad town or that it’s people (myself included) are simply stupid. Okay, they are a bit but that’s only because these people know nothing of anything past Kirton or Stickney… There’s a whole wide world going on out there right now; why not take your pathetic lack of ambition and see a little of it. Or maybe you could just sit in the Axe and tell anyone that’ll listen about how you’re going to ‘Rio’ this year… yet another pipe dream, my friend. Yet another ******* pipe dream.

Top 50 worst places to live in England 2022 as voted for by you