Ross-on-Wye: marrying your sister, charity shops and fights

Living in Ross-on-wye

They say Ross on Wye is the birthplace of modern tourism. However the things it is most famous for are; **********, charity shops and fights outside the Eagle on a Saturday night. Ross on Wye has more charity shops than people. Every building is taken up by either a charity shop, run down pub or a second hand bric a brac store. The reason for this is that the townsfolk of Ross on Wye are so skint that they can only afford hand me downs and used furniture with which to fill their dirty council flats at River View or smelly terraces at Tudorville.

Many of the local 17 year old mums spend their days pushing their many children around these pathetic excuses for shops as they have nothing better to do whilst they wait for their boyfriends to be released from jail.

One of the landmarks of Ross is ‘The Market House’, a lump of stone that the alcoholics gather around on a Friday night to piss on. The ****** addicts are also fond of the market house, although they are usually shooed away like the **** they are by the one local police officer who has been brave (or mad) enough to stay there.

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To add insult to injury, the people of this town are also ugly. And I mean f*ck ugly. There is a chap who’s head is so obscenely misshapen it looks like one of those vegetables which you just can’t bring yourself to eat, as well as a man who always walks like he has defecated in his trousers so much that it is now dragging him down to the floor.

Last but not least, there is the one thing that all Ross-ians take pride in more than anything- the river. A festering brown cesspool filled with **** and cow ****, the River Wye is a popular place for locals who like to relax by the smelly water and smoke copious amounts of cannabis (or crack) and reminisce about other times they sat by the river and smoked cannabis (or crack).

To sum things up, if you are considering visiting Ross on Wye, maybe just stay at home and smell your own farts instead, as you will probably have a better experience.

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