Antrim – the entire place is a sh*t heap

Living in Antrim, Northern Ireland

Antrim is the place that defies normal town planning, most places have “good areas” and “bad areas”; Antrim, on the other hand, makes no distinction between good and bad – the entire place is a sh*t heap. A neglected and run down collage of council estates, populated with the idiots that moved from Belfast and […]

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Coleraine – it has it all (except an Iceland, thank god)

Living in Coleraine, Northern Ireland

Coleraine must stand proud in Ch@vdom, having as it does at least 4 breeding grounds for these monosyllabic, knuckle dragging, slack-jawed, mouth breathing ********. Let me take you on a tour of our delightful paradise and let you decide for yourselves. First we have the Hollywood of *****, Ballysally. This hellhole, with views of the […]

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Strabane: stunning views of shopping trolleys wedged in the river

Living in Strabane, Northern Ireland

Beware the Mourne Valley mishap of a town that is Strabane. Squeezed between the villages of Sion Mills and Ballymagorry soon to be amalgamated with euro-ville Lifford,(Lifford ironically houses Strabanes only cinema-yes it’s strabanes, apparently) the town of Strabane is a sure **** central. So you’re in Strabane, and looking for a good time. What […]

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As the song says “You sain’t seen nothing yet”. Belfast, in my opinion, is the Mecca for Spidey (****) behaviour. Take the worst of the ned element of Scotland, the **** element of England, marry it together and – voila – you have the Norn Iron Spide. The Belfast Spide is also affectionately referred to […]

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It has been a long time since I have set foot on the streets of my hometown, Belfast. I have seen much of the world, and have realised that the **** is a universal species, with each different area having its own particular breed. The Northern Irish Spide is one of the most dangerous. As […]

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Come to Belfast! Thats what the advert says… but let me assure you, you better bring protection. Its ****-central my friends and the **** are everywhere. The main **** hangouts are Royal avenue and the adjacent streets off it – jeezus, we even have 2 jjbs on the same street, not 3 shops apart!! And […]

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A lovely seaside resort; 10 years ago. Now overun by Steeks in their modded chavmobiles, Bangor has become somewhat of a hotspot for drunken disorder, underaged drinking and donuts in the seafront carpark. Since the building of the Kilcooley estate and the migration of ***** from Belfast to these new, ‘luxury’ 2 up, 2 down […]

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