Antrim – the entire place is a sh*t heap

Living in Antrim, Northern Ireland

Antrim is the place that defies normal town planning, most places have “good areas” and “bad areas”; Antrim, on the other hand, makes no distinction between good and bad – the entire place is a sh*t heap. A neglected and run down collage of council estates, populated with the idiots that moved from Belfast and Londonderry (yes, some of the people here are the a*seholes that not even Belfast or Londonderry could stomach any longer) during the troubles.

Some fun Antrim past-times are: warring with your rival council estate; petrol bombing a 10 man strong, Polish occupied council house; drinking cheap cider and pissing down slides in play parks; pressuring a 14 year old girl into giving you a [something we can’t say on a family website] under the bridge; doing heavily cut drugs and the most famous of all, getting **** up in the drome then coming back with 15 of your mates to prove how hard you are.

If you ever visit, make sure to go to Maddens bar – a great place where the bouncers will [definitely will not] sell you cocaine, then [allegedly] kick the sh*t out of you half an hour later when they find you snorting it in the toilet. This [alleged] hive of low life ******* “lovely patrons” has [allegedly] become a hotspot for d*ckheads who will [Allegedly and definitely don’t] think nothing of driving a pint glass through your face for accidentally making eye contact with them and teenage [18 or 19 year old] girls getting blind drunk due to the excitement of getting served [legally], then going home with a 30-something ink saturated, bald headed lummox and procreating the next generation of ner-do-wells. [We think we got through that legally unscathed, phew]

How grim is your Postcode?

All in all, Antrim has to be the worst of the worst. A drive through the town at night (highly recommend being in a car, not on foot) will reveal the faeces that have crawled out of the arses that are Ballycraigy, Parkhall, Newpark, Stiles, The Steeple – or, if you’re a Celtic supporter and have decided to brave the town at the risk of being bottled – Rathenraw and Greystone. Police have tried to stop these rival estates from killing each other recently, but the small number of decent folk in Antrim are quite happy to see one loser **** another.