As the song says “You sain’t seen nothing yet”. Belfast, in my opinion, is the Mecca for Spidey (****) behaviour. Take the worst of the ned element of Scotland, the **** element of England, marry it together and – voila – you have the Norn Iron Spide. The Belfast Spide is also affectionately referred to as the “Wa-Wa” – due to the way in which these people pronounce “what” and how often it is used in conversation with normal people. Said correctly, its somewhat akin to the noise a penguin would make.
Hoopy Ear-rings are the normal accessory of choice for your English ********. The Norn Iron Wa-Wa tries to incorporate cultural elements into their attire and thus Hoopy Ear-ring becomes Cladagh Hoopy Ear-ring (don’t know what a Cladagh Ring is – look it up on the Internet). This however is for the Catholic Wa-Wa. Protestant Wa-Wa’s tend to go for good old Hoopy Ear-rings. As for the rings themselves – Dad, Mum, Paramilitary groupings – they all make suitable adornments for the Wa-Wa. And not only rings – necklaces too. Not cultural enough – well, how about a nice terrorist slogan tattooed on your arm.
Clothing – again, taken from the Scottish Ned, Celtic and Rangers tops abound. Married with the abundance of Lowcost ShellSuits on offer from TK-Max and you are ready for a night out on the tiles.
As for the drinking – its never to early to start is it?
These people have been seen standing outside the local offies half an hour before opening time, trying to make sure the last of the Buckfast holds out until then. And then its get hammered for noon , into the bar for one (since its classy to drink in a licensed establishment) and then get thrown out for trying to have it away in the corner while ordinary people suddenly find themselves starring at the decor as they try to blot out whats happening. Because if you make eye-contact…
“Wa da f*ck are ye lukin at? Aye’ll knack yer ballix in. My Da is in de – Aye’ll have ye f*ckin shat mate….”
As for kids……Jesus H Christ…..this is an actual conversation that took place between a Wa-Wa Ma and Child
*scene – 3.30 in the afternoon, somewhere in Belfast. Local youths are throwing bricks and bottles at a passing police landrover in an estate. Door opens on one of the houses *
Ma: Mickey! Mickey! Get in ‘ere – yer f*ckin’ dinner is getting cold…
Son: *brick in hand, ready to be launched* Ach Ma, go f*ck yerself…I’m playin’….
Ma: Well I’m f*cking it in the bin if yer not quik…
The disease is spreading…..come to Belfast. And Leave again feeling grateful you don’t live here.