North EastYorkshire

Forget the Bronte sisters. The most famous author from Bradford is the person who writes the tourist guide. However, if burberry caps, creole earrings, and verbal abuse are your thing, then welcome to paradise. For the best discounts in ****-wear, visitors are advised to head for the newly “revamped” Oasis shopping centre where bb caps and necklaces that attatch to mobile phones are avaliable in every “shop.” Die hard tourists may be interested to note that this centre was the home of the Godmother of all *****, the infamous Market Annie, who until her death, spent her days sitting on a bench spitting at innocent shoppers, while seeing them off with a salute of the two fingered variety.

RIP Annie

After a lunch of a big mac and fries (available wherever you venture) why not have a stroll through Manningham, Bradford’s very own riot route and drop in at Westfield house aka dss crisis loan place, and view for yourself the colourful array of tracksuits, trainers, mobiles and buggies. Please be aware that if you call out the name “Chelsea,” several people will answer. After that, there is nothing else to do apart from getting mugged, but remember to exchange your free milk tokens for ten benson & hedges before you leave. Missing you already x

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