Blackpools a holdover from a different time. A time when every single one of us unlucky f*****s were stuck on this s******e of an island and flights to somewhere halfway decent was reserved to only the richest among us. Back then in these “days of yore” Blackpool was visited by all kinds of hard-working British families for a lovely seaside break. Now with the creation of Easy Jet our greatest export, chavs, have taken to the skies to go and s**t up every other country on this pimple on the arse-crack of the milky way we call Planet Earth.
So with the chavs of on an exotic international adventure with our tax money what does that leave Blackpool with? Why only the scummiest of the scum, the schemeist of the schemeist, Gods mistake, the super chavs. Quite possibly banned from flights after drinking too much and fighting on the plane or spending so much of their benefits money on drugs that they can’t even afford a £40 ticket these creatures descend on Blackpool for a drug-induced minor crime spree throughout Blackpools shitty attractions.
So with Blackpool being considered a holiday town what are these lovely attractions that these super chavs can enjoy? Not f*****g much is the answer you’re looking for. Honestly only in a country as s**t as this could Blackpools themepark be called pleasure beach. Pleasure beach? I think Brits have had more pleasure on the beaches of Normandy than we’ve ever had at “pleasure beach.” After five minutes in that s******e, you’ll wish some nazi had blown your grandpappies head off so you wouldn’t have to be here in this dump. Other than that s******e there isn’t much else to be seen in the wider s******e known as Blackpool, the locals recommend class A drugs and hard liquor which are in plentiful supply.
It’s no wonder Blackpool is one of the most crime-riddled places in this crime-riddled dump known as the UK. Murder and sex crimes are quickly becoming common place, although killing someone in Blackpool is closer to a mercy killing than an actual murder. Drug crime and chavism has already passed common place and at this point not taking drugs and being a junkie with six kids to different people will leave you very out of place in this s**t tip.
Any local with half a brain cell to their name packed up whatever meagre possessions they had and left years ago. This leaves Blackpool with chavs who actually enjoy the place and old people who have been left behind by their family and spend every day eagerly awaiting the reaper to come and whisk them away to somewhere better. It could be Hell honestly, no matter where you end up after death it cannot be worse than Blackpool.
With the chav density nearing infinity it is theorised by Stephen Hawkings (RIP) that soon enough Blackpool will collapse and become a Chavvy Blackhole that will destroy the delicate chav to normal balance that holds the UK together