I felt that a heart-warming account of the place I grew up in was necessary 🙂
Tamworth can best be described as the ‘Stealth-****’ capital of the UK. At a glance it is a picture of middle-England respectability with its beautiful castle, church and statue of Sir Robert Peel – (rather ironically) the father of our police force. It is clean, well maintained and looks great in the summer with all the flowers planted for its ‘Britain in Bloom’ entry.
Do not be fooled! Tamworth has a malign, tumourous core of bile spewing, malicious social deviants the like of which I have yet to see even in some of the ********* (Shipley, Bradford, Leeds…) I have inhabited since I left this god-forsaken hell-hole.
The Tamworthian **** (or ‘Tammie’ – the coloquialism for a ‘local’) is a genetic mutation of pure evil. They seem to live to cause as much rampant discord as possible – grafitti, vandalism, car theft, drugs….. However, their ‘raison d’etre’ seems to be the wanton spilling of innocent people’s blood. These urban savages thrive on the adrenalin rush of a gang attack upon an innocent passer by. The town centre on a Saturday night is almost a no-go area, unless you are armed to the teeth with brass knuckles and pepper spray. Even armed in this manner, be sure to take as many friends as possible with you if you value your dentists work.
The area I grew up in is called Amington. I lived on a ‘private’ estate. Unfortunately it was, and remains, surrounded by the most horrendous council estates of thrown together 1970’s tenements filled with said ****.
The Kerria Centre (quite unbelievably named, as it appears to be the centre of **** all…) was the only place to shop in the area, and was also the most dangerous. It’s fearsome reputation was enhanced by it’s ‘Escape From New York’ appearance, and the fact that prospective ****-attackers could hide in its warren-like structure (appropriate considering their verminlike appearances…). I was jumped more than once coming back from a newsagent visit. This lead me to teach my parents’ dog to **** on command. I will always remember the face of one particularly cocky **** after having his arm savaged… 🙂
I am glad to say I left this shitpit almost 15 years ago and have never considered returning.
Tamworth. Probably the only place in Britain you can see ***** skiing, bowling, drinking, puking, fighting, bleeding, ******* and getting arrested all within a ten minute walk….