Sherburn-in-Elmet

North EastYorkshire

Sherburn-in-Elmet is a relatively large village that the majority of people will not have heard of. Situated just off the A1, it is halfway between Leeds and York. The village centre is quite nicely presented with all the things you’d expect in a large village- a library complete with “cyber centre”, a couple of banks, a Co-op, Tesco metro, Spar, butchers, greengrocers, bakers, a few pubs etc. It is actually a great place to live, convenient for the major motorways, handy for Leeds, York and further afield.

So, I hear you ask- Why are you submitting it on iLiveHere?

The answer is simple- Sherburn-in-Elmet is a living, breathing **** experiment. Whilst so many other postings simply post a beautiful vivid picture about what life is like under the rule of the ****, Sherburn is still in its’ infancy of the cancer that is the ****.

An interesting social experiment is under way- a war is raging between what I call the Real ***** and the Rich *****. The Real ***** are exactly that- Stella drinking, joint smoking, tracksuit bottoms tucked into their white socks, fake burberry baseball caps pushed way back on their heads. They have a leader who is the quintessential ****, never seen without a can of lager and a smoke in one hand with the other hand down the front of his Kappa tracksuit bottoms cradling his chavnuts that he undoubtedly uses to father more ***** with the slags that hang around the Real **** gang.

The Rich ***** act in the same vein as Real *****- spitting, swearing, abusing local folk, performing wanton acts of vandalism etc but they have one distinct difference- Daddy’s money. This means the older gang members have their Saxo 1.1 with a big whale tail spoiler and clear lights, those not quite old enough to drive will have a brand new 25cc moped and those younger still will have a top of the range mountain bike that they didn’t even have to steal! I would even wager the Burberry baseball caps they wear are genuine!

Now, normally you would expect that the Real ***** would win this battle hands down, after all they are council **** who know no better than to piss in the street and have been bought up knowing the fist is far mightier than the pen, whereas the Rich ***** did at least have some sort of education, even if they did get expelled for smoking weed in their dorms. But ultimately the Real ***** are a victim of their own success- whilst they attach lit fireworks to the local HSBC sign in the centre of the village in plain view of everyone, with the manned police station a mere 250 yards up the road, the Rich ***** drive out to the phone box on the quiet south side of Sherburn to smash all the windows and are away before anybody has even got out the front door. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out who gets caught. And time spent getting another ASBO to rip up is time that could be spent increasing their posse. The other problem is that the Real ***** main man, the Kingpin **** of Sherburn, seems to be constantly in and out of the young offenders institution and whilst their illustrious leader is gone, the **** spirit and guile withers and they almost return to normality. Christ- I even saw one of them delivering papers the other day to EARN some money!

As this battle rages on between the two warring factions I am at least confident of one thing- within a year or two Sherburn will have the same level of **** *********** and more serious crime level as some of the towns and cities that we can only current aspire to- Leeds, Carlisle, Slough to name but a few and will be punching well above it’s weight in the Chavtowns League!


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