Thinking of going watching the new League of Gentlemen film, dont bother. Come to Westhoughton instead. This ****** village is the **** capital of the country. The girls in the community are especially stupid, think Sam from Big Brother and multiply by Vicky Pollard. When not listening to the prophet Usher and pushing double decker prams full of White Lightning they like to hang around the local Asian kebab houses racially abusing the owners even though they were born up the road in Bolton. These are the doctors and nurses of our future, think of that Burberry clad brain surgeon ready to operate as you enter the asylum and **** yourself now. Our local park is like a Benadectine monastery. Hoods everywhere, are these hoods to keep the remaining brain cells from escaping. Their younger trainees are sent out on bikes to mug old grannies for the nights entertainment of Happy Hardcore headbanging around the Shrine of Trisha.
Trisha by the way is what these Westhoughton kids watch to make them feel worse than they already are.
Our local cinema showed “Super Size Me” and everyone thought it was a public information film. The local Maccy D’s was a fascinating site that night. As the wannabe Ayrton Senna’s spun there Vauxhaull Corsa’s round the carpark with 17 giggling pregnant 14 yr old girls in the backseat, Inside the resturaunt it was Chaos as our ***** attempted to string enough vowels and verbs together to order a happy meal. Theres no such thing as a happy meal in Westhoughton, every mouthful is eaten with the begrudging monotony of wishing they would choke on it.