Although Towcester may not be as big as many **** towns, it probably has more ***** per square foot than any of them put together. My observations have led me to the conclusion that there is some sort of hierarchy to the **** ‘hang-out’ areas. **** wannabes tend to lurk outside Co-Op or One Stop. These apprentice ***** are usually under 16 and try to impress fully fledged ***** by asking strangers to buy them **** or booze. Once they have reached 18 these ***** are then allowed to loiter outside Waitrose. I’m not entirely sure if they know its a supermarket, as Towcester ***** tend to do their grocery shopping at One Stop. The ‘really hard’ ***** tend to frequent the Rec, where they improve their minds by cutting the heads off ducks and setting fire to the dog bins. This is also an ideal place to impress ********* with their ‘pimped up ride’. These ***** sometimes stand outside the Community Centre and do their bit for that community by shouting abuse at anyone not wearing Burberry.

Some ***** enjoy congregating (I’d be happy to explain the meaning of that word to any **** intelligent enough to realise they know nothing) in Somerfield car park to recreate that masterpiece of modern cinema, ‘The Fast and the Furious’. The ********* here like to insult people who walk past and then repeatedly say ‘Don’t walk away from me’ when anyone seems reluctant to get into a fight with them.

To finish, a little anecdote for you. Some of the ***** outside One Stop once drew a line on the path and wrote next to it ‘No greeboos(sic) past this line’. Of course, this was ignored. However, some of the kids in a local school recently put signs up in the Key Stage 4 common room saying ‘***** stay out’ and not a single **** entered the room all day. I think that tells you all you need to know about the ***** round here.

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