Tipton-A Beautiful Town

West MidlandsWest Midlands

Where do I start? Well, Tipton is arguably the most ********* town in Sandwell, and probably Dudley for that matter, with 98% of kids being *****, or indeed *********. Let me take you on a tour around Tipton, just to get a feel for what a nice town it is??? Well, we start at the border of Tipton and Dudley, with Castlegate Retail Park. This is just off the Castlegate Island, and is actually in Dudley, but excruciatingly close to Tipton. This is quite a new site, where there is Bowplex (a bowling alley), Showcase cinema, McDonalds, Pizza Hut, Nandos, Frankie & Bennys, and the Bostin’ Fittle. This is currently a hot spot for all ***** and *********, especially on a Friday and Saturday night, starting at around 5pm, when they have just had time to get in from school, yell at their parents, and then storm back out of the house. They usually start at a shop just down the road, commonly known as the ‘Cadburys shop’ where anyone from the age of 12 up can buy alcohol (by that I mean a couple of Bacardi breezers, and possibly a bottle of cider to share between 20). You’ll be able to tell the ***** from a mile off, as they all dress more or less the same. By this I mean, t-shirt (collar up, of course), tracksuit bottoms tucked into their knock-off Burberry socks, with a pair of RockFORD on! (Normally from Great Bridge market), “2 pairs for a tenna mate, ya cor find em’ no cheaper). And I am NOT exaggerating! Oh, I almost forgot, all topped off with a Burberry cap! Lush! Also, the girls (*********) also dress the same, which is slightly worrying. Anyway, back to the tour, you’ll find all these waiting around outside bowlplex because they can’t get in after 9, because you have to be 18, THANK GOD!!! So instead, they all go in McDonalds, or just hang around in McDonalds car park. If you wait there long enough, you’ll probably be able to see some of the older ***** in their ‘tuned up’ Nova’s, which make one hell of a noise, but go NOWHERE!!! They spent hundreds of pounds on the body, and nothing on the engine, just the exhaust, now there’s a plan!!! Not!!! I would like to warn all those people that are not *****, and have longer hair than 2″, to avoid this place, unless you mind being called a ‘greebo’ all night. They never come alone, normally in herds of 50(ish). Okay, moving down the road we have a generally nicer area of Tipton, by Batsons, and the Black Country Musuem, where the only trouble you get is ‘boy racers’ trying to race over speed humps??? I swear, I am not making this up. I wish I was. Then you get to the centre of Tipton, known as Owen Street; apparently this is where you will find Tipton Shopping Centre. By the way, this consists of a Co-op, Firkins, Budget Box???, and a Pizza Place. However, if you are ever unfortunate enough to visit Tipton, try Pappa Piccolo’s, they are the best Pizza’s by FAR! This is a fantastic shopping centre, I’m sure you can tell from my enthusiasm. This is another hot spot for ***** and *********, normally the people that ‘cor be arsed to walk up to bowlplex’. They all hang around a shop named ‘Bain’s’ until the coppers come. This is when you see all the ***** running for their lives, like a herd of charging bulls! SO funny! You really have to see it! Anyway, moving down further into Tipton, we get worse and worse. This area is known as the ‘Tibby’; home to the Tibbington Pub, and Tibbington Terrace. I’m sure you can work out where the name ‘Tibby’ came from, and the intelligence of the people that live there. I swear to everyone that’s reading this, if you stand still too long in this area, they will have your trainers, and every inch of gold on your body! Don’t say I didn’t warn you! These people generally live off every income that they can get off the government, and have has many kids as humanly possible, just so they can get child allowance. They also have a ‘bad back’, which of course allows them to disability allowance, and they can’t work, so they get dole money! Although these people look like scruffs, they are probably the wealthiest people in Tipton, and they don’t even have to get up in a morning! The saying in this area is generally, ‘I day do it’, and ‘it wor me’. Not that they have a guilty conscience or anything. This place is also home to derelict houses, and kids throwing stones at your cars, just to see if you stop, so they can have the wheels off it. Yes indeed, the ‘Tibby’ is just the place you want off the council! The local High School in Tipton is Alexandra High School. And yes, this is where all of the ***** go, unfortunately. And if you are privileged enough to drive past at 3.15, then you might just get chance to run them over, as they see no point in walking on a footpath. And shout abuse, when you pap the horn?? Unbelievable! Further down the road, and you come to The Lost City, very similar to the Tibby, and also The Denby. One general rule for Tipton is, “if it has any kind of name, then avoid it”. I’m being serious. So…..what do you think of Tipton??? I bet you’ve already got your bus pass sorted, I know I have, except mines going the opposite way!

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