Sutton Coldfield – the Chav tour

West MidlandsWest Midlands

Chav clientele:Attracts ‘rich chavs’ from Sutton and also chavs from surrounding chav-scum areas like Falcon Lodge, Erdington and Kingstanding (or Kev-standing – its got a lot to answer for).

Chav Tour of Sutton: After stumbling off their buses in the town centre, they obviously cant make it any further than the nearest “maccy-ds” which handily is right opposite the bus stops. Here they like to hang around the doorway in their mckenzie hoodies, intimidating anyone that actually wants to go in, when inside they tend not to sit down but crowd around in the aisles and give anyone attempting to get past them to order ‘food’ filthy looks.

The chavs waiting outside mcdonalds are eyeing up their deadly rivals on the other side of the road, the “skaters” who like to hang around BHS and scare old ladies by skating into them, luckily they dont actually get into a fight, being separated by a road that thinks its a bus station and is lethal to cross. Mind you I havent seen the skaters recently, either they have discovered the delights of “the steps” in b’ham city centre or the chavs have eaten them.

Next up is the chavs journey to “wilkos” (prime chav hangout after mcdonalds.) Wilkos is cheap and tacky, the chainstore version of ‘poundlands’ across the country, so of course its like moths to a flame for chavs, they also like to give anyone going into either the next door health food shop or library dirty looks. Literacy? Health? Dont be such a twat mate!

If chavs go down the stairs from wilko, they then have the double chav delights of a chip shop opposite an indoor market (Chav Heaven!). Often a couple of younger chavs hanging round on the bench outside the indoor market eatin chips and smokin the fags they intimidates someone into buying from them for “supercigs” , handily its right next to wilkos! Then a look around the indoor market to nick some rip-off toiletries and check out the new range of fake burberry bags.

Adventurous chavs: Will go as far as the town centres Argos to stock up on their elizabeth duke, then maybe even a trip to greggs the cheap bakers as a change from the usual extra value meal. Maybe also riding their shitty bikes up and down the station platform then beating someone up round the back of the station when they get kicked out.

Chav nightlife: Top chav-spot “RBs” is right next to Mcdonalds! How handy! Currently sporting an enormous banner of 80’s Kylie with the legend “I should be so lucky”. Also the thought of a 12 year old chav trying to gain admittance.
You could also try chavvy pub the litten tree for the big screen, but y’know, its a bit of a trek, maybe even 5 mins walk from bus stop. Stick to RBs i would.
Chavs under 15 may want to check out “MGs”, the Friday night disco at the youth club next to sainsburys in nearby mere green. Rich chav parents drop off their kids in 4 by 4s on the way to going out clubbing with the other chav mums, due to the strange popularity of the place the chavs that get turned away then spread cider-fuelled havoc and vandalism through mere green. Nice.

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