StaffordshireWest Midlands

The fabled market town of Stafford, county town of Staffordshire, has it’s fair share of followers faithful to the **** cause.

A typical walk into town from the Silkmore area of Stafford (about 2 km from the town centre) is a feast for the eyes of any budding ****-spotter. The railings and lamp-posts encountered on the public footpaths, emblazoned with the messages ‘Debbie iz well fit’ ‘Joe has a pinny’ and such are a clear indication of the presence of the tracksuit wearing fellows. I strongly advise people not to walk these areas at night.

The bridge over the railway is a hotbed of **** activity, one could expect to encounter a miriad of smells – piss, vomit and used condoms being just a few. Rememer to practise your “no, sorry mate, I havent got any ****” before venturing around this area, and the question is regularly posed to all.

Into the town centre, where the local Asda has proven a popular breeding ground for the ***** and their ******** ‘friends’. When venturing down the steps from riverway be prepared for the usual q’s and for the alpha male of the group to try and show his dominance by starting a fight with you. Be wary of his territory as he guards it with his life. The beer soaked, glass covered steps may not look like much to you and me but to him, they present a great oppurtunity to show of his skills to the ********* and to try and initiate the mating ‘dance’. He flashes his burberry cap and his rockports, removes his jacket to show the bling that hides underneath. My retinas still haven’t recovered I still see the imprint as i write this now. He moves hunched over by the sheer weight of his 24 carrat gold chains and rings and initiates his mating ritual. He pins the ******** to the ground and in three seconds it is complete and so, another **** is made. In nine months time the ******** will be seen with a pushchair with a bouncing baby **** thus the circle of life goes on.

Not far from Asda, just down the Newport Road by the railway station lie two landmarks of particular interest – The Bethany Project, and Victoria Park. Being located so close to a school, the residents of the Bethany Project are perfect role models for the students. You can pretty much see straight through the damn place, where the resdients cheerily spend all day and night ripped to their **** on drugs.

And less said about Victoria Park, the better.

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