Slough – come friendly bombs

John Betjeman had the right idea. But not even in his wildest nightmares could he envisage the gold-plated, Currys Superstore-********, professional Ali G-bedevilled monster that Slough would become.

Slough is the worst of all worlds. A peasant overspill from the East End after the Second World War, which fills the Orwellian netherworlds that are Britwell and Langley, coupled with too much disposable income in what is a fairly affluent area. THE RESULT ? – worse cars than most **** towns, ******* clothes, slaggier women, more disgusting kids, and a JJB Sports Superstore. That alone is a crime against humanity………. and some bars are so chuffed at the publicity that Ricky Gervais gave the town that they all boast of being ‘the pub that was the inspiration behind the nights out in ‘The Office” IT WAS A PISS-TAKE YOU IDIOTS !!!
The pubs, oh, the pubs. The Assembly, Slough’s premier night-spot, possibly now-defunct, (due in no small part to the bouncers killing someone in the pub a while back- jesus…..) but fear not, it’ll be turned into another ******* Wetherspoons or Yates soon (what ? There’s already 2 of those on the High St ? never mind, the more the merrier). Remember ‘Henrys’ in The Office ? That was The Best Night Out You’ve Ever Had compared to the real thing. ……and if you’re feeling like a REALLY good night out, maybe it’s your birthday, or you’re on a Hen/Stag Night, why not try the Chicago Rock in town ?! Just remember the dress code: for a local **** bloke – white trainers, checked shirt (buttons done up – ALL OF THEM), greased down hair, huge sovereign rings. And for the girl: skirt that comes up to the armpits, bruises on the legs (essential) and don;t forget to flash those Citroen Xantia car keys around, just to confirm to everyone that you’ve MADE IT in the community (i.e. receptionist/typist/cleaner for Yellow Pages or whatever huge HQ has blindly decided to base themselves in Slough)
**QUICK FACT: Slough has more McDonalds restaurants than any other town in England.** (possibly)

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