Salford Education Department has thrown it’s full weight behind a proposed new college course aimed at 16 to 19 years in Salford.
Preparation For Prison Life will, if it gets the go ahead from central government, be taught at college’s across the city.
It will initially be a two year course, with time off for good behaviour and the possibility of conjugal visits. Students will follow a strict timetable and be subject to various forms of punishment should they digress. One idea being looked it is for students to be randomly drug tested at break times and, if found to have been taking banned substances, be given solitary detention or, in more extreme cases, beaten about the body with a rubber hose while wrapped in a quilt.
In a speech today the education minister said “this course, should it become a reality, will teach young people in Salford a valuable lesson about life behind bars and a future of recidevision. Let’s face it, we have courses for preparation for military life, I don’t see why this should be any different”.
But not everybody is quite so happy.
Said Tommo, of Ordsall today “it’s a right ****** piss take. Kids round ‘ere don’t need a ****** college course, they need a top good ‘idin’”.
He went on to say “Anyway, it’s the parents responsibility to prepare the little bastards for prison life. I’ve never been to college but I’ve been to prison loads o’ times, innit.”
But according to education providers it is a great idea.
“Lets face it” said an unnamed source at a local college, “half these kids are looking forward to going to prison. For some it’s the only chance they’ll ever get to meet their biological fathers”.
We spoke to 18 year old recently released from Strangeways Prison who wished to remain anonymous. He said “ it’s a proper top idea that. I dint know **** all when I got banged up. If I’d have took that course I coulda made a bomb in there. D’you know how much you can get for a nine bar in Strangeways? And mobile phones go for a grand. I tell you what. I defo want my kids to do the course when they’re old enough next year!”
Great ere innit!!!