Oh, Cobblers! (Northampton)

East MidlandsNorthamptonshire

Aaah, Northampton Town – the United Kingdom’s third largest town, home to the ever delightful Cobblers football club and beautiful architecture dating back to the 17th Century. Problem is, it is also home to a growing number of chavs, who are spreading like a viral plague not too dissimilar from a mass zombie outbreak.

Unfortunately, unlike most stereotypes in modern society, the chav stereotype rings true for almost 99% of cases. You only have to wander up to the Wootton Fields’ Co-Operative to be encompassed by these less than well-educated humanoids. Often, they are blasting dance music from their beat-up old Renault 5s, smoking, drinking and attempting to scope out their prey. By prey, I mean some poor soul who will be the butt of one of their cruel jokes, (or worse, receive a few kicks and punches to the facial area) or buy them cigarettes and booze.

In all honesty, having lived in Northampton for eleven years of my life, I can’t recall having many problems in the town centre during the day. In fact, I don’t often see many of them up there – it’s on a Friday night that you’ve got to worry.

Take a stroll down Bridge Street on a weekend evening and you are asking for trouble. More often than not, the street is littered with these complete wastes of oxygen – the younger are standing outside the bars after being refused entry, drinking bottles of Stella Artois which they managed to purchase in some scabby off-license with their dole money.

On the other hand, Abington Square is normally your safest bet – the area is dominated by ‘normal’ people and ‘alternatives’ – those who enjoy a good drink and a natter and aren’t looking for any trouble. Newly refurbished the Monkey’s Head, the Racehorse, and the Pennywhistle are all favourites, and from my visitations, always chav free.

In all fairness to chavs, not ALL of them are as bad as the others – I have a substantial amount of friends who would probably be considered chavs, yet they are pretty OK to get along with and don’t start any trouble. Unfortunately, one thing no chav manages to escape is the overall dodgy-ness of being one!

All in all, I don’t think Northampton is that infested – yet. One day, we may become overrun due to generations of sub-human breeding, but hopefully, that day is far off.

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