MELTON MOWBRAY, Leicestershire

East MidlandsLeicestershire

A town famous for its Pork Pies, Stilton cheese and inbreeding. The common c**v is usually found here in great abundance.

As a rule the younger c***s seem to congregate around the skateboard ramp in the park or on the benches outside WHsmith in the market place, usually passing around a can of wifebeater(stella) that one has just nicked of his his old man. Another place the young scamps hang out is the Esso garage next door to their main stronghold, a housing estate dubbed Colditz by all non c**v locals. They wait outside this garage accosting innocent passers by and attempting to get people to go in and buy fags for them.

Once they get a little older however its a different story. Usually one of them somehow manages to pass his test and obtains a car (the trend around here at the moment is for saxos, corsas and battered old cavaliers). Once one has a car, him and his “homies” finally get to graduate to one of two places, either the bus park (which is next to the main Leicester rd and gives them the opportunity to check fellow c***s rides as they “roll” past) or the local Mcdonalds carpark where they get to check all the local “stunnas” and show off by playing some “phat beats well loud” (obviously cos it makes them look well-ard and cool in front of the birds).

Although a few c***s remain at the boyracer stage until well into their 20s (purely so they can keep hold of their 14 year old girlfriends), the majority start to head into town of an evening once they hit about 19-20.

The top watering holes in town from a c***s point of view are the white lion and the kings head pubs, and although both of these are fine establishments, the chavvy clientele puts a lot of normal people off. Once closing time arrives its time for most c***s-about-town to make tracks to THE holy grail of total chavness. In fact this place is so c**v, even the c***s call it! The place im on about is Tubes nitespot, three floors of out and out c**v mayhem! fantastic!(not)

Melton is also home to what is apparently “Britains biggest free show”, Melton Day (or piss up day as the c***s call it). Never come to melton on melton day folks, cos not only do you have the local c***s drinking on the streets, robbing people, pissing in shop doorways and fighting, but you also get all the Leicester, Loughborough and Nottingham c***s in the town too! This makes for a very dangerous time in town especially if your a goth or its after 6pm.

So theres a quick overview of Melton Chavness, you have been warned people!

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