Greater ManchesterNorth West

Where do you start? The local market is packed Friday (benefits paid Thursday…) all the local talent will be there with their rainbow children lifting Rickports and Aiduds .. for little Lateesha, Lamoya, Lirelle and other such names – Golden rule to be observed in Longsight, all your childrens names MUST start with the same letter of the alphabet… Makes benefit fraud easier

Every white mum must give her child a black/asian sounding name particularly if the child is 100% white…..

Birthday pressies from Longsight people include – a ”Rasta tin” to keep your spliffs in, a Rasta smoking a spliff ornament and a Rasta smoking a spliff wallet to keep your post office card in… All said items and more – can be purchased at the pound shop on Stockport Road…

Accurate information about Longsight people

All men remove their T shirts and tuck them into their nylon trackie bottoms at the first sign of sunshine – even in winter

All women have yellow hair with thick black roots and have visible yellow bruises (matches their hair) on their faces, arms and legs

All men are skinny with sunken chests and walk as though one of their legs is about to give way….

Most women are fat and wear leggings with pride (stops chaffing too) Should be illegal

The above said women refuse to wear a bra

They have bad teeth – or no teeth at all

They all have ‘blended’ rainbow families

As soon as they talk – havyur, gotyor, shudyor, wudyor – in fact most words spoken end in yor

They drive high performance cars with no insurance or licenece (usually Ford Escorts or Ford Sierras) doing handbrake turns into Aldi, Netto or on a bank holiday double week – Asda…

Most people from the Anson Estate have featured on Crimewtach reconstructions

Manchester Taxi drivers are all from Longsight

Congregate at Clarence Road to complain about missing giros

Top 10 worst places to live in England 2019