Kingstanding, BIRMINGHAM

West MidlandsWest Midlands

This burned out part of North Birmingham is best summed up by its McDonalds. Attempt to use the drive through and you’ll be confronted by fireproof makeup and the local ***** (Kevs) sniffing round your car asking for money. Failure to hand it over results in standard Kev abuse (cmon son; you may think you’re hard, but you’ll find you’re quite soft and squishy when under my car). Of course you could walk in instead; this will result in further fireproof makeup, CCTV, and after 9 pm, bouncers.

Driving away you will see adidas-clad sheep grazing in large numbers on each corner; get out and walk past and you’ll find they are rabid. Driving here can sometimes resemble a white Baghdad, rocks and even petrol bombs have been hurled my way. Its amazing how doped up Kevs can throw so straight. While I would have loved to have caught the culprits, their large groups make this near impossible. Should you catch one alone though, they’ll turn confused and scared and babble about their mates.

Kingstanding is sandwiched between little rich kev/ kevette Sutton Coldfield (“like my TT/ 3 series? Daddy bought it for me”), Erdington (asylum seeker paradise/ Wyrley Birch estate), and Great Barr (“I live in GREAT BARR, NOT Kingstanding” -lucky you sugar). Erdington is like an extension of Kingstanding, souped up Vauxhall Nova hulks abound, joyriding in these areas is the local sport. Meanwhile, the TT’s/ 3 series of Sutton are driven by bimbos and guys who care too much about their hair. These people havnt a clue how to drive, driving well to them is flooring their pretty motor in a straight line; many times have I left them standing round islands/through corners in a Mark 3 Fiesta.

How grim is your Postcode?

Kinstanding is as racist a place as I have ever seen due to the high Kev count. Some of it comes through their ****** deep-down-I-know-im-a-waste-of-human-life anger, the rest is produced as ever by government policy (“institutional racism”, blind eye to the illegal immigrant, standard crime being automatically labelled hate crime, “colour concious” policy, general bending down/pandering to minorities – the list goes on). Politicians come out with line after line of this garbage and wonder why already angry troglobytes like the majority of Kingstandings population become less and less tolerant of others. Institutional imcompetance?

Feel free to pay kingstanding landmarks such as the circle, beggars bush, McDonalds and the pimple (to name but a few cultural landmarks) a visit if you wish – just keep your speed above 30 mph, don the clone clothes and you might be fine.

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