High Wycombe. Not the most cosmopolitan of towns, I’ll grant you; the highlight for the discerning tourist would be the famous and ever-so-fascinating High Wycombe chair museum.
However, this town is very special. It is here you will find the missing link between apes and humans. Too long have scientists searched the Himalayas for clues to our past.. for it seems that High Wycombe is the primordial soup that spawned such creatures. If I am allowed to assume a David Attenbrough tone, we shall continue to explore the realm of these primitive beasts..
There are two types here.. one predominantly male, called the ‘Aisan Mafia’ the other, more mixed sex do not have a name, yet they are to be feared more so, for they gather in greater numbers. These species are easily distinguished from the average human, they have large gold rocks attached to their hands and ears, and cover themselves with inorganic substances such as flurescent nylon and crinkley polyester. One can only assume the large words emblazened across their chests indicate which pack they belong too.. in which case, the largest here by far are Donnay and Nike.
They have evolved to use primitive tools such as knives and phones, yet their language is incomprehensible as a series of grunts (and nasal high pitched noises from the females). Despite being more Neanderthal in appearence and mentality, these creatures have a much more evolved digestion process than us- they are able to stomach McDonalds, KFC, Burger King and other unedible things, and whilst we Homo Sapiens require water, they are able to survive on White Lightning and Coke.
Due to the gang mentality, and the dangerous substances ingested, the birthrate for a Chav is high so the species can develop- many females begin to breed at the age of 15, and continue to do so until they have enough children to populate a small island- and this is one of the reasons why they are a danger to humanity.
By venturing into the teritory of the Chav, I have found them to be loud and violent, totally beyond human contact. Yet, like the plague of locusts before them, they will spread across the land, spreading their filth with them.
It is a sad day for High Wycombe, and the rest of the world.