Hastings (aaastinggsss as it is locally named)

East SussexSouth East

Jesus Christ when Alistair Crowely cursed Hastings, he really meant it! Having the misfortune to being a Buchanan baby (Hastings born and bred) I feel I have to voice an opinion on the ******** of the south east.

Not only is this place overrun with local ***** year round, but during the summer months it becomes a sort of mecca for tourist *****.

Hastings really has all for the **** – Elizabeth Duke for nasty gold; JJB for the casual look, Maccy D’s, KFC and Burger King for nourishment and top dining. Yeeuukk!!

How grim is your Postcode?

Ashdown House the local CSA offices can be seen from nearly everywhere in Hastings towering over the skyline. The jobcentre has closed down probably due to lack of interest! Anybody over the age of around 17 is past child bearing age, and the town is overrun with burberry clad babies with rotten teeth sucking on bottles of highly toxic pop. Even the pigeons wear burberry in Hastings.

Most of the nightclubs (most with dubious names) in Hastings are packed out on a Saturday with chavvies (bar the Crypt, the only half decent nightclub in Hastings, despite the 6 inches of sludge on the floor each time it rains). They all used to congreate in Papa Joes (Slappa Joes) on the seafront before the place was closed! They now all trudge down to the old town to Waves.

To give you some idea of what this little ******** is like, Waves was originally called the G-Spot! It also offered chavtastic offers such as all you can drink for £10 including admission. It has just recently come into the spotlight again after a ******** let off a canister of tear gas inside a few weeks back.

There truly is no solution for Hastings, bar tampering with their Maccy D’s and poisoning the whole population. Failing that we can only hope for global warming and tsunami like waves to drown the place! However this probably wouldn’t work as most ***** live up in Hollington or in Ore which both are above sea level…..

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