Hailsham, East Sussex (C**v-vil)

East SussexSouth East

UPDATED from http://www.chavtowns.co.uk/2004/12/hailsham-east-sussex/

This town must be the birhtplace of the C**v!!!

Why??? We have known the “c**v” word for ages…decades in fact…..it has always been an insult to be called a c**v and many a fight has broken out because of it…….

Hailsham is very near to Eastbourne, but in terms of C**v development…….Hailsham is Light years ahead of anywhere in the area.

A guided tour:_

C**v hangouts:

War Memorial in the centre of town….Any evening of the week you can find the local C**v youth hanging out here. It used to be the place where you could go to get drunk. Very clever the Hailsham C**v’s they just *allegedly* rob the local shop…used to be Spar…right across the road and sit round the memorial getting drunk on the booze they stole. Now most of the C**v tend to stay away from the town center as the police have finally picked up the fact of what they do, so now the C**v cause mayhem everywhere else. Instead you tend to get the younger hood hanging there, and if not at the War Memorial they are straight arcoss the road outside costcutters, trying to force over 18 people to buy them fags and vodka.

Leisure Centre/Community centre, yes, the Hailsham c**v’s even have the inclination to hang out by the leisure centre. It’s called the Lagoon this is usually a meeting place for the chavettes. Sunday nights are 5 a side football league nights for the c**v dads…..we’ve got it all going on in Hailsham.

Local park or Wreck as in Eastbourne…..the summer meeting place of the local youth. You can find them sitting on the merry go round just smoking or getting drunk. Usual place for a shag as well.

Horsebridge wreck…yet another hangout for them, this is for the c***s who live on the other side of town…the so called posher end!

Council offices….very popular of a daytime…they provide customer services for c***s. A must see on the map of Hailsham.

Health centre…for an idea of the extent to which the c***s have intergrated in this town….just stand outside and watch and listen….you will truly be amazed.

Common Pond…..Common being the operative word…..even the ducks wear fake burberry and bling bling……..if you think that’s bad…check out the swans!

Redrow… Next to the second lake in Hailsham called Lakeside is a large field that the local hood have called Redrow. This is the number one place for a c**v hangout as right next to this field is a small woods, where if the c***s want to get away from the police they simly take the back door and exit through this woods.

Quintins Shopping centre/ St mary’s walk.
These deserve a special note of attention…This is c**v haven as far as Hailsham is concerned. You get a c**v every 30 seconds here. C**v mums, C**v grans, Chave great grans….C**v generations flock here. The Co-op….c**v central of a weekend. In fact the Co-op is *allegedly* run by the c***s! Annabelles the restaurant……more like caff (in my opinion). Well if you can see through the haze of smoke..you’ll find all manner of c***s in there…they come to discuss life on the dole and chavgossip over a fag, full english breakfast, fag, and a cup of tea with a fag. The pound shop and the charity shops are really popular as is the world renowned designer store Quality seconds or QS to you and me…..I’m sure you all know it…the c***s certainly do.

C**v pubs….(Allegedly) The Terminus/The George(*allegedly* sadly burnt by its *alleged* c**v owner) The Corn exchange/The Grenadier and another one opposite the Bp garage on south rd….can’t remember the name…these are really popular with the c**v’s.

C**v takeaways….Lucky Star is *allegedly* your one stop for c**v chinese and chicken and chips.
Kemer kebab….locally famous *allegedly* for the older c**v mum’s who want to get a bit more than a kebab late at night!!
Ken’s Fish and Chips….yes, you should see the queues on a Friday night…c**v’s come form all around to get their fish and chips here.
Now the newly build Simpsons chicken that replaced part of the costcutters store, is heaven for c***s, they are always in and out of that place.

Supermarkets.. Now that a massive tescos store has been build, this attracts the c***s like flies, and now they stand just outside tesco’s of a late evening trying to steal sweets and alcohol and if not steal then again annoy over 18’s to buy them vodka. 
Also a small Icelands has replaced woolworths, once again the c***s are always trying to buy, steal or get over 18’s to get them some form of alcoholic substance, even if its some of the cheap crap that they sell.

C**v Schools

Marshlands (junior school) Education C**v style

Hailsham Community College (ex Battle Rd) 12-18 C***s

C**v Estates

Town Farm…breeding ground of the C**v
Diplocks….breeding ground of the lesser C**v


This deserves a special mention….this is run by the C**V MAFIA…you don’t want to mess with them….even their dogs are hard….the C**v Mafia live next door on the P***y Park…No houses for them…they still prefer the caravan…..Locals know to steer well clear of this area…there’s town c**v’s then caravan c**v’s..even the town c**v’s don’t mess with the caravan ones.

There is an official c**v uniform of trackky bottoms and a jumper….adidas is the preferred one. Used to be Nike, but that went out of fashion. The original c**v mum uniform of leggings and a jumper with baby in push chair can still be seen on the streets of Hailsahm….sadly this is becoming a rarity nowadays.
Just to let you know……

Hailsham is the C**v cultural centre of the world, because we have had c**v’s in this town for 1396….certain family names….(I will not mention on this site )are famous in the town. They are deeply embeded in the town history. They have been here for generations and there are loads of them……Even the police run scared of certain family names……I s**t you not.

Hailsham has to be one of the birthplaces of the c**v…..

Top 10 worst places to live in England 2019