Grantham, Lincolnshire

East MidlandsLincolnshire

Welcome to Grantham, the very birth place of Thatcher, Thatcher, milk snatcher. Grantham is home to two main groups of these barely literate, grammarphobic, vowel allergic slum dwelling piles of useless, worthless and pointless s**m. Such fine, bona fide specimens of c***s that can be found in Grantham town stand as testiment to how badly New Labour failed to fufill their promises of a better society through improved healthcare, employment and last but not least, “education, education, education”.

As soon as you step off the train, or bus, or however you got here, you can immediately see that there are many things wrong with this town. For instance, poor public transport, appaling road layouts, county council’s statements that the railway tunnel footpath and highway gritting during icy conditions are not their responsibility are just a handful examples. That’s just on the surface though, the tip of the iceberg. However, when one spends an extended period of time in the town that’s when the town’s c**v problem reveals itself.

Go inside the Isaac Newton Shopping Centre during weekends or any time outside school hours, or walk through Westgate during a late weekend evening, dare yourself to walk through the park and along the stretch of the river bank after nightfall, or even take a visit through the run down residential slums of the Alma Park and Earlsfield industrial areas respectively, or if you really think you’re ‘ard then take a walk through the railway tunnel footpath connecting Station Road and Huntingtower Road, and then you’ll see what I mean.

Westgate has public alcohol drinking establishments on each side of the street from top to bottom and becomes a hotspot for drunken louts during any given weekend evening. The park’s anti-social behavoir problem has become so bad that the council have erected wrought iron gates at each end of Redcross Street bridge crossing over the river into the park, which get shut and locked at the end of the day. The railway tunnel footpath is a common hotspot for drug dealers and failed wannabe Banksy’s and if you happen not to value you’re sanity, personal possessions and personal safety, then enter at your own risk.

Grantham town and the town centre itself has been the battleground for a gang war that’s been lasting for as long as I can care to remember now. Grantham town is one of THE original breeding grounds of c***s alongside places like Croydon and Chatham respectively. The two gangs participating in this neverending pitch battle for supremacy are the Earlsfield Crew and Alma Park Crew, each one as completely pointless as the other, each one hailing from their own vile, s**m infested slums at opposite ends of the town centre.

Personally I don’t see what differences they have that makes them want to hate each other’s guts and kick each others head in ad nauseaum, as they are both still from the same subspecies of the human race, the common c**v. Or to use the correct anthropological term, Burberry Trogladyte. Both groups are also at bitter ends with the c***s from Sleaford and probably Skegness too. The c***s of Grantham are also blissfully unaware of another group of people slowly rising up against them. Goths and emos.

Since the erection of the skatepark shortly after the start of the new millenium, the goth/emo/skater culture caught on, and it was barely a day open when the first fist fight broke out at the skatepark. Presumably involving them and the c***s trying to take the skatepark for their own territory. In recent times, a goth shop opened at the top of Welby Street close to Morrison’s, attracting further droves of goths, emos and skaters down from the goth stronghold of Lincoln approximately 30 miles away.

A backlash against the c**v culture of Grantham is evidenced by the influx of goths, skaters and emos, not to mention the branded “Kill a c**v!” stickers plastered on various walls, lamp posts and sign posts around town. The art practitioners in Grantham including those of the college students have as ever been a threat to Grantham’s c**v rule. Practitioners of the new extreme sport slowly gaining popularity, Parkour or Freerunning as it’s otherwise known are also seen as a threat by the c***s.

Lincolnshire Police, as ever, have received negative critism from Grantham’s citizens due to their overall negligent attitude towards antisocial behavoir and also using taxpayers money to pay for a brand new Police Station in town, then repainting the interiors purely for a royal visit. When clearly the money could’ve been better spent elsewhere, for example; hiring more on the beat police officers, instead of feeble, powerless PCSOs.

The police, as a rule, rely on Grantham’s citizens too much to inform them of c***s getting up to anything suspicious or even criminal. They do not however, routinely patrol the streets looking for this kind of activity. You will never see them walking around of foot either. They will always be in their patrol cars. Always, either rushing off to an accident or emergency, or driving to the scene of anti-social behavoir that was reported to them rather than seeked out by them.

All this amounts to a joint effort of the police, skaters, freerunners, artists, goths, emos, greebos and scenesters alike into one big on-going struggle to rid Grantham of its c**v pestilence and that also includes the two rival c**v gangs kicking each other’s head in, doing the dirty work for them. JJB Sports has closed down, limiting the number of places c***s can buy their clothes. It would only take the further closure of Sports Direct, McDonald’s and KFC amongst other c**v hotspots to severely weaken them or bring them down entirely. Though this is not likely to happen in a long time.

Top 10 worst places to live in England 2019