Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Kent, South East, United Kingdom

I think I should talk next about something I couldn’t believe, no it wasn’t hope, but shopping.I live in a town, that is twinned by the local council with the Underworld.I was thinking the other day, not a common recreation in Gillingham, where I was pondering and daydreaming on the great shopping metroplexes of the world, London, New York, Paris, Milan.You know, your in a busy area, such as Oxford Street if you see a sign saying “Golf Sale” being held up.Usually these will be areas high in shopping opportunities, wealth and decadence with architecture to match.Anyway, back to the story, walking down the High Street the other day and just as I had run the traditional Gladiator Gauntlet Of Catalogue Salespeople, Charity Canvassers, Token Lone Preacher, School Refusers or “Skivers” and now due to its liberal thinking, Scientology, what fuckin Scientology…I couldn’t believe it, we talk of accepting all beliefs, but Scientology…..I wonder how their beliefs would fit in with the local Sure Start Scheme.”Well please come in…. may I find out a little bit of background before we start supporting you, (looking at Dianetic Meter), did you have pain relief at all during child birth even though you were dying… No (Good and Tick), Have you nursed your child after birth or responded to emotion…. No (Good And Tick)….Did you show any emotion or noise during the birth (No)…..Is your husband Tom Cruise (Yes…) (Laugh)- Your eligible for help and support…..

For f**k sakes if they want to follow a religion based on Sci-Fi, there is already one is fuckin existence for folk that have no life….. its Doctor Who.Imagine that in the High Street, selling Books, hee hee, Tom Baker would be their deity lol!.Maybe Im just bitter, but my local Council peddles diversity and freedom of expression, like many of the others across our “green (through algae and sewage spills”) and pleasant (cause we are all medicated for ADHD) land”.So how does Scientology fit in with that? The stall stated get a free health check, for f**k sakes, I know theres a shortage of GP`s, but even Burke and Hare would have looked after you better, and you knew your body was going to good use.

Back on track, from my tale of Hollywood coming to Medway , I was walking down the street and back to the sign of Golf Sales being displayed in London.I saw a Utility Truck with a informal (for informal read (poor written misspelled sign) and for Utility Truck read- (Rusty Old Van) parked a shop.At first glance I thought it was just parkers, but no, it was advertising one of those great shopping sales discussed but only a more regional version.I could not believe it when it said………, “Morecuts……Pye Counter Now Inside”.As soon as I had seen this I surveyed around and thought one of two ways. Either this is a gloriously portrayed joke with perfect timing, but then no, I saw the plethera of pies and pasties being consumed by the local populus and thought the words, “heart…attack….learning…childhood….obesity…time bomb”, not necessary in this order and thought we are well and truly fucked over as the working class.

Positive Foot Note- At least the Council did meet its diversity targets in the end, they were able to reach the targets for people accessing heart services and also instead of the staple Chicken and Mushroom Pies and Pasties, some Cornish Pasties were ate promoting diversity for the Cornish people…..At least all is well that ends well…. For Now……

Remember- Remember the big Metropolis, London, New York are compelled as many commuters are driven to distraction by the thought of a sumptuous skinny latte in the wonderful bohemian coffee houses, but for the people of Gillingham, the pie and pasties takes pride of places in the hearts and mouths (and also the arteries) of these compulsive pastry addicts.

Remember there idea of 5 a day from the Government Directive is the “Potata” in this Pies and a Side Order Of Chips.

So raise a toast to at this time of year to the ticking timebomb of Medway,