Bromley, Kent. Home of the insurance company which made popular the nodding dogs. Says it all.
To most civilised people it’s an utter sh*t hole, but to the kings and princesses of chav it is paradise. Once there was a House of Fraser, now there stands a TK Maxx.
If the souped up chav-mobile ain’t working or your licence has been suspended due to the latest drink-driving conviction, travel in style to the mecca of chav on the 208 Bus which travels through local rivals to the country’s nastiest town such as Lewisham, Catford and the dreaded Downham.
(In these places you will witness all kinds of chavs intimidating female bus drivers, by branding them a “slut” or a “whore” because benefits haven’t been increased to cover the recent fare rises. No doubt the serving boy in the Spar will get spoken to in the same tone when the Chancellor raises the cost of tobacco in the next budget)
The first port of call on arrival at for the chav Bromley is of course the post office to collect the vital payouts. Then it’s time to maneourve that buggy, containing a sprog donned in burberry into the chemist store at the entrance to the glades. The chav buggy will of course be especially selected to have a holder to carry such health drinks, such as a large coke from Burger King.
Once at the chemist store, no shame is spared in retouching that 6-inch thick makeup. It makes no odds whether it is a tester or items which may well be sold on to unsuspecting members of the public. It is also a free-for-all at the hairbrush stand, please let’s hope they don’t get their hands on the sanitary towel section.
Once the make-up’s been caked on, it’s then for the Chavs of Bromley to hit the dubious drinking establishments.
If you would like to share a beer with those recently released from police custody, head for the Swan. here the clientele sit with their worldly chav possessions in their designer HM Prison Service carriers.
If it was something a little more bling you were after, then the only night out is trip to henry’s, then onto delano’s where’s its guaranteed a Tiffany Jewelled chavette will vomit on your 6 inch high silettos and climax of the night will be when sovereign ringed yobs will deck each other, before heading off in the night in search for a car to joy ride.
Bromley, truly is the pits of the earth. Avoid it all costs.