Written by Anonymous. Posted in Durham, North East

Bishop Auckland. A hideous and hell-like place. Or an amazing scientific site from which to study the bizzare breed of creature known as – the chav. {Known here as “Charver” or “Townie”}. See it as you will.
As a person who has lived, or rather endured life, here all of my chav-ridden years, I prefer to look on it as the former.
Chavs here are no exception to those I have read about on this, and other, sites. The fashion, language and manner are very similar.
In B/A, your average male charver wears sports branded tracksuit bottoms, tucked into white socks, which of course end in white sports trainers, or “rockies” – Rockport boots. These are a treasured item and a very prestigious thing for a Chav to own.
On the top, either a football shirt or a branded sports t-shirt, with a tracksuit top, and in the winter a Berghaus coat. Perhaps Helly Hansen, although that was an earlier trend.
The customary burberry cap is worn religiously here.
The chavettes follow the above trend, however they have a variation. Unfortunatley my eyes have witnessed on several occasions chavs in a tacky-mini-skirt-whitesocks-rockies-boobchoob-tracksuitop-combo. Horror!
For the more dressy occasion Chav-male breeds can be seen in a Ben Sherman shirt, Jeans and either trainers or the aforementioned “rockies”. The Chav-female wears either the tacky-mini-skirt-whitesocks-rockies-boobchoob-tracksuitop-combo, or perhaps a nice burberry dress.
The staple jewellery consists of Clown/Ragdoll pendants, Crosses, Horseshoes, Sovereigns, Fake Diamond Cluster Rings, Saddle Rings, Huge Creole Earrings (Dice, or Circular Diamond hanging extras a popular favourite), Belcher Chains (min. 8oz) and all manner of other 2ct hollow crap.
The chav male wears his hair short, with copious amounts of gel, and his female counterpart usually bleaches hers a nice shade of yellow and either straightens it so violently that you can see the burn marks or pulls it back so tightly (with a hideous HUGE flower clip, might I add) that you can see the skin of the forehead splitting. The “coke can” fringe is very popular, though its numbers have decreased in recent years. This is where a fring is curled under, and using enormous amounts of hairspray made to stand out in a terrible bouffant effect.
The charvers of “Bishi” (their word for our beleaguered town) hang around in packs, with a couple of members usually on bikes that they’ve slightly outgrown. They talk in an almost non-understandable language and like to shout random insults at all passer-bys. Especially me – a “git goff” (Something which I do not consider myself to be, I would say because I hate categorisation but I would be a hypocrite as I’m categorising chavs, so I’ll say its because I’m a die hard metal head.)
There are so many chav phrases and words, some of which I believe to be exclusive to this region, but I will share with you my favourites:

“Git” – Used a prefix to most words e.g: “Git Goff” “Git class” “Git nice”
Often followed by “like”. E.g: “Git nice like”
“Propah” – “Propah good like”, “Git proper class”
“Fond” – “Divvy Fond” “Shockin’ (used to describe an unfair situation” Fond”
“F**k off or I’ll set me famlee on ther!”
“RHUBARB!” (Dont ask – I have no idea.
“GINA ROOOWLEY!”
“I’ll fuckin bat thee one!”
“Gorrany Tabs?”
“Buy ez some fuckin whitelightnin’ or i’ll flog ther”
“Does thou know oo I am?”
“Dinnert mess wi’ me, me fathers ‘arder than thoos!”
“Fuckin goffy bastards!”
“Oh my goff!”
“Divvy C***s”
“Daft C**t”
“Owee our Chowmein!”
“‘Ere our Billy-lee-marie, gerere or I’ll fuckin nack ther!”

There are many more, I’m sure you get the idea.

Drinks Chav’s enjoy: Cider, Lambrini, 20/20 and cheap white wine.

Cigarettes Chav’s Enjoy: Richmond, Superkings.

Teenage chav’s love to hang out in various parks and bus shelters. They loiter outside of all supermarkets and off licences, hoping to intimidate somebody into buying alcohol for them.

Teenage lady chavs usually accesorise themselves with a pushchair and a baby dressed up like a merangue, or a nice tummy-bump.

Chavs shag like rabbits and have never heard of contaception.

Thats all for now, there’s more to come though….


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