An island, not celebrity love island or Hawaii but a major escape route for the wise or entry to cheap booze and a wet finger behind the UGC flicks for the great unwashed…If Broad Street is the bowel then 5 Ways is its ****. Those with sleep disorders will be aware of Broad Street as its normally the featured street on ‘Crime City’ or ‘When Drunk ***** Go Bad’ on Bravo. It really does have everything, a job centre, a post office , a cheap local one-stop style supermarket known locally as ‘mings’, a bookies and more importantly at least 30 ‘happy hour’ bars in a mile and with it plenty of drunk young females and the most uninspired music since The Dome. Fair game for the average ***** with below average intelligence. If “yur ****** lush luv” or “wat ya doin wi tha puff” doesnt work then Rohypnol will. As a rule these idiots tend to stick around the 5 Ways end but they will on occassions spill out around the Sports Bar area during freshers week, not that the students return after they have used their free Breezer voucher and condoms. Usually they roam up and down ‘Golden Mile’ far too intimidated and Burberried up to enter the pubs and clubs but occasionally one quick witted one suggests removing their hoodies, caps and sovereigns, obviously this bright spark had ambition and left school later than his peers at 14.
Theres probably one thing worse than a ***** and thats a ***** with a job, obviously not a good job, a security guard in an NCP, anything with a uniform that gives him authority but a position that requires the least amount of effort. Now these ***** roam Broad Street with as much pomp and ceremony as someone from Moseley but with less coke and pretensions and more crack. Touching and abusing, vomiting and fighting.
Venturing home after work in the early hours is a logistical nightmare. Avoiding the vomit, bodies, dropped kebabs, police dogs, fights and club promoters you then have to venture into 5 Ways island, popular with the homeless, fake Big Issue sellers, muggers and those cut short.
Broad Street is solely for dead imaginations…..oh and hen parties….Avoid