Rothwell: God’s Idea of a Joke

Living in Rothwell, Kettering
Living in Rothwell, Kettering

Rothwell: God’s Idea of a Joke

East MidlandsNorthamptonshireSatirePic Via

Rothwell is the kind of cesspit that will welcome you with open arms and a big hug, only so that when they mug you, you can’t run away. Rothwell square is the well known mating grounds for the ne’er-do-wells yokels. The local scooter gangs, colloquially known as “The Dezbruvs”, congregate around Restaurants and jet about in their neon scooters known as the wally trollies pretending to mug anyone in sight who looks like they might be able to recite the alphabet. Regularly flipping off the local OAPs and defecating next to lamp posts to mark their territory.

In my opinion, even the local ice cream van should be armored and given a police escort in order to prevent these sh*ts from stealing anything or worse, getting any fatter. To say the community isn’t doing anything would be a lie though, as they recently opened a chip shop as to stop the locals from eating each other whilst on the hunt for another big mac.

As an example, my friend walked into Rothwell one day to buy some clothes, he left in his clothes but he returned wearing nothing but boxer shorts with the words “MUG MUG – BLING BLING” written on his car in what appeared to be dog excrement after his shirt was taken from the changing rooms. Even last week i had a used parking ticket stolen from my car window.

I’ve been living in Rothwell for the past 7 years and I can’t give it enough praise for it’s ability to squeeze everything that’s good about humanity, and sh*t it back out. This is the only town where mugging someone for a 5p coin is called a “Good Catch” and where vandalising flower garden is considered work experience.

Apart from that the town is OK.


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