Portsmouth and the tale of the pissy burgers

Living in Portsmouth

Burger king, Portsmouth cuisine at its best… maybe…read on, for dear reader, I have a (highly amusing) story to tell.

Many years ago Burger King on Commercial rd was THE **** hang out.   My cousin (a **** herself) used to work there.  I once popped in to say hello and the horror was beyond description.  Saturday morning, 150 ***** and their screaming, snot nosed, foul mouthed progeny. All stuffing their chubby faces with allegedly undercooked burgers and milkshakes (many of which closely resembled a woman’s monthly produce). I said my hellos and left, with catcalls and strange whooping sounds ringing in my ears.  I remember thinking, “how great would it be if something really deeply truly **** were to happen to these below par examples of humanity.

Well, guess what……….

How grim is your Postcode?

Recently I bumped into my bling encrusted and slightly thick cousin (and her obnoxious boyfriend, who spent the whole time fiddling with his gold earring and staring at my ****). I said, hey, where are you working now? ahh, my dearest cousin replied, I left burger king and now i work in McDonalds.  She said this in “I have moved up in the world …innit” tones, and grinned merrily while she said it…

Ahhhhh, I say.. why did you leave?

“well mate” she replies.. “First off It was mingin’ and gay. My manager was a lezzer, I knows that ‘cus she never ‘ad no bloke innit. There was this ***** there called ****** and she was a right minger and she said she fancied my bloke innit, well anyway she was a f*ckin’ **** and i reckons she nicked my Black Eye Peas (or some other townie ****) Cd”

……..cousin pauses for breath………..

“and, right, you know how I sez that the burger board was always wet and we was always wipin’ it but it neva got clean?”  I claim to remember whilst shooting her horrid boyfriend a filthy look and wrapping my cardie closer to cover the portion of my torso he is STILL staring, transfixed at…
“well, the bogs upstairs, they were like… the blokes, and the pipes from the urinal was leaking piss all over the food top, innit”
“My lezzer boss said wot I shud’nt tell no-one otherwise she would, like, loose ‘er job, initt, and she was well gay but she ‘ad a right go at the **** ****** when I sez she stole my cd so I promised I wouldn’t say nuffin'”

Piss indeed, 150 ***** eating piss and **** burgers every day for two years (the duration of the leak, I am led to believe).

Have a nice day all 🙂


Disclaimer:  iLiveHere would like to point out that this article is the product of one alleged employee of Burger King’s, imagination and is completely untrue. No one at Burger King, Portsmouth, consumed pissy victuals. Phew, we’ve already had McDonalds on our backs in the past, we don’t need this sh*t again… funny story though!