Northfield, Birmingham, the worst place anybody could wish to live

Living in Northfield, Birmingham

Probably the worst place anybody could wish to live.

I was finally liberated two years ago when I moved to Halesowen – another ****** town but nothing on the scale of Northfields.

I lived for 15 years in a street called Nigel Avenue, just off Bell Hill. We found ourselves seperated from the mainstream ‘****’ as most of the houses were bought, but it didn’t stop them cutting through from time to time to steal badges off cars and car stereo systems. It had to be the only street on earth where nearly every car down there were missing a badge!

How grim is your Postcode?

Below where I lived you had the Bournville Village Trust Estate, basically a glorified term for a ******* council estate. It was given that name because they were originally built to house Cadbury workers back in the 60’s. Now they house every junkie/w*nker/layabout/single mother from the majority of South Birmingham. If you dropped a bomb on that place alone, you would probably half the unemployment rate in the West Midlands.

Then on the opposite side of Bell Hill, you used to have the Ley Hill Estate – once proposed by some government smartarse to be the 5th worst council estate in europe. Fortunately, somebody did us all a favour and knocked it down, much to the delight of Locksmiths and Burglar Alarm fitters in Quinton as I believe their income has trebled since recieving their new guests.

So then you have the fantastic town centre, Grosvenor Shopping Precinct, Northfield Market et al. This place is REALLY the pits. If ever you come to Birmingham, its worth driving through Northfield to have a look at the people. I bet you would go a long way to find such a large number of ‘dropouts’ anywhere. The place is crawling with them. From the old drunks who sit on the bench outside the shopping centre, shouting abuse at poor folk who go about their daily routines, to the ACC (Anti-College-Crew) who dress up in tracksuits and rockports, going around picking fights with anyone who happens to glance in their direction.

It does get worse however. If you are unfortunate to go for a drink in Northfield, you are likely to be approached by some acne-riddled **** who will offer to do your shopping for you, at a price. However, if the police nab you outside the pub for recieving stolen goods then that is your own fault and problem.

The single mothers are also worth seeing. Post-pregnancy flab ******* over their obviously too tight-jeans, clutching a cigarette in one hand and a mobile phone in the other, covered in cheap bling – its a real sight. The amount of ******* gold worn by people in Northfield could probably redecorate Tutankhamun’s tomb twice over.

In days gone by, Victoria Common park was a particular favourite place of mine. It was where I played football and watched bowls as a young lad, however now it is home to the drunks and drug addicts  who seem to congregate in large numbers for a good piss-up, usually leaving bottles, cans, needles lying about.

I could go on for hours, the YMCA probably full of the biggest drop-outs on planet earth are housed in Northfield, the Ingoldsby Road Estate, Popes Lane Estate, Hoggs Lane, Frankley Beeches Road, the list goes on and on of places to visit if you want to see, purely for research, ‘**** Life’ in action to the full.